September is Deaf Awareness month. It also is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month.
I’m going to talk about an important topic that combines of those two themes… Deaf and Counseling. Many of Deaf/Hard of Hearing people are still struggling to this day to find appropriate help. The issue is… accessibility.
Let’s go back to my childhood. I grew up in a rural Upstate New York community. I struggled a lot being the only Deaf student in my mainstreamed school. From Kindergarten to Grade 4, I was in special education with other Deaf students that also had more disabilities. When I was going into Grade 5, I transferred to the local elementary school. I was the only Deaf student. I wanted to go to same school as my brother and my neighbors. To this day, I don’t regret that decision but it was a very isolated life for me as a Deaf student.
That was a big change in my life so my parents took me to see a counselor. There had been no Deaf counselors available in my area. The counselor I was taken to see was hearing with no background/experience in the deaf world. So a second person, an interpreter, was brought in. Which again, happens to be the same interpreter that was with me at school daily. I lived in a small town, it was impossible to find more interpreters. Imagine the awkwardness of having someone you see daily at your counseling appointments. My interpreter and I had a very close relationship, it was like having a family member sitting in the sessions with me. I recall only talking about the typical drama with my friends, never really opened up about deeper feelings related to my challenges/frustration with being deaf. It also wasn’t only because of my interpreter being there, but why would a hearing person understand my life as a Deaf person?
My parents tried to find a Deaf counselor. My dad even wrote a letter to someone. It didn’t work out because back then, without computers and video conferencing, it wasn’t feasible. I didn’t continue with the counselor for too long. I didn’t have a counselor during my middle school years. In my high school years, the isolation got even worse. I was still the only Deaf student. I no longer had the same friends. It was tough for me to make new friends. The closest Deaf kids that I knew of were at least an hour away. I struggled a LOT during high school. I definitely felt depressed. I didn’t feel like I had a normal high school experience like everyone else. I felt lonely. All I thought about was getting through high school to that light at the end of the tunnel.
That light was Rochester Institute of Technology (RIT). I had attended a summer camp in Rochester the summer before my senior year in high school. The camp was for Deaf kids my age so I left there with MANY new friends. During senior year in high school, I came home and spent a lot time online talking to those Deaf friends. All I thought about that year was my future life in Rochester. Once I was in Rochester, I felt like I belonged. I was finally home.
Despite “being home”, it didn’t take long for the depression to kick in again. It was challenging for me to figure out my Deaf identity, accepting who I am on top of academic goals. I had spend 18 years of my life in the hearing world so switching to the deaf world wasn’t as quick as flipping a switch. It got overwhelming. I had hit a low point in my life during second year. Luckily, RIT offered counselors, a few were Deaf and Hard of Hearing (HOH)! I scheduled my first appointment with a Deaf counselor. I was so nervous about seeing a counselor that also saw many other Deaf students including some of my friends. I didn’t want to run into them in the waiting room. I knew it was necessary for me to talk to someone. I ended up seeing that counselor for rest of my college years until graduation. It was the best decision I made. It was amazing to communicate to her in my native language. She understood the challenges we go through as a Deaf person. She also had grew up mainstreamed and mostly in the hearing world until she came to Rochester too. We could relate a LOT. I quickly opened up to her! She helped me so much. It was extremely hard to leave her when I graduated.
When I moved to Connecticut, I had fun exploring a new area. This also was the further I’ve ever been from my family (Rochester was only 2 hours from my hometown so I could visit on the weekends). It was whirlwind of emotions and changes which unfortunately stirred up depression again. Especially when I wasn’t finding a job after a year and a half of trying. I had missed the deaf community in Rochester terribly, it was all I talked about… going back there someday. With that distraction, it was hard to fully be in the present and enjoy my new life in Connecticut.
The hunt began for a Deaf/HOH counselor… again. I found a counselor who was a CODA (Child Of Deaf Adult[s]) in a town a hour away. We took turns with driving to each other. I only had 4 sessions with her. She found out that I worked at the deaf institute up in Hartford, CT as mentioned in this blog. We had an awful experience working at the school so she ranted about it during EVERY session. I stopped scheduling appointments with her.
It took another few years before I found another one. I even tried to reach out to the college counselor and see if it was possible that she could still have me as a client. I contacted the college, begging them to allow alumni to be able to access counseling services.
Four years later, I finally found a Deaf counselor 20 minutes away! I couldn’t believe my luck. When I met her, I found out that she had worked at the same deaf institute and also had an awful experience. My fears from the previous counselor stirred up again but luckily she didn’t rant about that in our sessions. Still, I found myself not being able to fully open up to her. Why? I have finally found a good Deaf counselor. At this point, I had gone so long with no interactions with a Deaf person. I was lonely. I missed having Deaf friends. I found that we had a lot in common with hobbies and our mainstreamed background. I enjoyed going to counseling only because of our interactions. I wanted to be friends with her outside of the office. I didn’t open up because I didn’t want her to be turned her off from being friends with me in the future. Eventually one day, I told her I was ready to move on.
I went a year until my grandpa passed away. It was first close family death that I had to deal with. I tried to go as long as possible to handle it on my own. I knew I had to reach out to her. I felt sad because I felt that the chance of being friends with her was getting low. I started seeing her again until the pandemic hit. The pandemic forced us to do the sessions virtually. I disliked that so much! The sessions would freeze a lot and prior to the pandemic, I’ve found it difficult to really open up over video-conferencing. I fell out of touch with her.
It’s interesting to compare the experiences with all of the counselors I’ve seen. My life as a Deaf person has a LOT to do with my identity, the experiences in my daily life, the way I think, the way I do things and the challenges. I was so frustrated that I should feel lucky to find a Deaf counselor but I realized it didn’t work because I didn’t grow. I didn’t vent. I didn’t get what I needed. I was so lonely that I ruined it with the last counselor, I should have not been limited to only her. I should have many options like hearing people do. There needs to be more Deaf counselors available for all Deaf people, not just me. My experience is just one example of what other Deaf people go through in finding the help that they need.
I live in Connecticut which is more congested and busier than the rural community I grew up in Upstate New York. I do have access to a lot more here. I STILL don’t have what I need. I can’t imagine how much hard this would be on me if I remained in Upstate New York. Mental Health shouldn’t be a low priority for the Deaf community. Mental Health isn’t something to mess with.
I am also surprised (and also not) by the lack of counselors available online after the pandemic. All counselors had been forced to go virtual. This should’ve allowed more accessibility for Deaf/HOH people! It always was difficult even before the pandemic for us to find that help but you would’ve thought with everyone being remote, it would give us even MORE options!
What’s next for me? I don’t know. I still have my bad days, but I have found ways to cope with the support of my immediate family. Sometimes that isn’t enough but I find the strength to fight through those bad days. But… that is ME. Not every Deaf person has that.
Due to the lack of resources for the Deaf community, many of them don’t seek help. Self-medicating and self-help is common. Ironically the counseling center at RIT shares the building with the Substance and Addiction Intervention Services for the Deaf center. I was always embarrassed about that, wondered if the hearing people thought the majority of us had addiction issues. I quickly learned about the issues of providing care for the Deaf community, then I understood how important it was to have that center.
I hope my experiences of the difficulty of finding help shows how important this topic is… Mental Health within the deaf community. We need more work on providing resources and accessibility. Deaf people deserves better care!
