Representation Matters: Why Deaf Role Models Are Essential

Who was your role model? Were they deaf too?

Growing up in a rural area of Upstate New York didn’t give me the opportunity to meet Deaf adults to look up to. So who did I look up to? I knew of Marlee Matlin, the famous deaf actress and Heather Whitestone, first deaf Miss America. So that’s who I looked up to as a child. Both are two Deaf women on polar opposite of the spectrum. 

Marlee Matlin is a well known Deaf actress and activist today. Her performance in the movie ‘Children of a Lesser God’ in 1986 earned her an Academy Award and Golden Globe award. She had acted in several movies and TV shows since then, which included ‘Switched at Birth’ and the recent released ‘CODA’ movie. Matlin released a book ‘Deaf Child Crossing’ during my pre-teen years, early 2000s. I was in awe of her ability as a Deaf person being in Hollywood. I wished that there were MORE famous Deaf people.

Credit: Marlee Matlin’s instagram.

Heather Whitestone was the first Deaf woman to win Miss America in 1995. I was too young to understand at the time about Miss America and beauty pageants. I had learned about her afterwards. During my pre-teen years, she was doing a lot of work with Starkey Hearing Aid Foundation as their spokesperson. I wrote to her (the snail mail way!) about my deafness and how impressed I was with her accomplishments with Miss America.

Credit: Heather Whitestone McCallum’s instagram.

Marlee and Heather lost their hearing at 18 months due to illness. They identified themselves as Deaf but were on the opposite side of the spectrum. What does that mean exactly? In the present day, Marlee Matlin is a strong advocate of using American Sign Language (ASL). Although I do need to point out that she has the ability to speak and previously (maybe still currently?) wore hearing aids during my childhood years. Heather Silverstone grew up orally/verbal. She didn’t use sign language until her senior year in high school. Heather was more mainstreamed in the hearing world, even getting her cochlear implants in her adulthood. 

During my childhood, we didn’t have Internet where I could’ve had an easy access to many other Deaf role models that were out there. My mom clipped newspaper articles during my childhood to show me anything about Deaf people. I started seeing more and more of Deaf examples in my late teens years/college years. The media started having more exposure of the Deaf community. The TV show ‘Switched at Birth’ really opened many eyes about the Deaf culture. 

In my small town in Upstate New York, there were a few Deaf adults but I didn’t have many interactions with them. I did attend some meetings when I was in my high school years. I didn’t find a connection with them back then. There weren’t many others that I could relate to, so it was difficult to find role models, famous or regular folks, to really look up to. I might’ve had Marlee and Heather to look up to, but I didn’t want the same exact goals as them. I did learn that their Deafness didn’t stop them from achieving their goals so that is what was inspiring to me as a kid. 

While I was at college in Rochester, Marlee Matlin released a book ‘I’ll Scream Later’ in 2009. As part of the book release, she toured several cities which included a stop in Rochester. It was surreal to meet her at my college in person after idolizing her my entire childhood. I was so starstruck that when it was my turn for her to sign my book, I froze. I didn’t know what to say! I didn’t say a word! She smiled warmly and thanked me for coming. Oh, how I wish I could go back now and say everything. How she inspired me to achieve the impossible. Don’t let my deafness stop me from my passions. How she gave me that hope that Deaf can do it. Maybe someday again I will get that chance!

When I met Marlee Matlin at RIT, 2008.

Now, it’s different with social media and technology gaining more accessibility to Deaf kids today. They know about Deaf role models out there who are singers, artists, business owners, performers, etc. The kids have their pick now on who to look up to. I’m glad that there are more successful Deaf people out there to be that role model for a Deaf kid to look up to!

CODA movie - Dad's verison

****SPOILER ALERT: If you intend on watching this movie you may want to wait to read this!****

Read my personal thoughts about the CODA movie here.

I remember shedding tears watching the end of Brian’s Song, Terms of Endearment and even Bambi.  I experienced strong emotions throughout CODA! I don’t usually stay for the credits but needed to! This was quite different for me! I realize this movie touched others as well!

As Kelly explained this movie is about a hearing girl with deaf parents and brother. She is challenged to balance her life deciding what she wants and assisting her family. There were so many scenes that I could also relate to as a parent of a deaf daughter.

In the beginning of the movie the parents showed up at the school playing music very loud. This way they can feel the vibrations. This obviously caught the attention of the hearing kids who laughed and ridiculed them. The daughter defended them with no success. Deafness is not visible! We can relate…. as a teenager Kelly was returning a grocery cart to the corral for her mother. A man yelled to Kelly from behind that he would use the cart. Kelly not hearing did not react and put it away. He then threw up his arms in haste & with a very angry face mumbled something. Diane seeing this, informed him that she is deaf! Not so calmly!

At one point the daughter in the movie expressed herself as “I am exhausted”! This was used in context of being torn between helping her family and developing her life. Her family’s demands were so great (doctor appt, court and negotiating for their business) she had missed  her commitments. Kelly has expressed frustration with her family members who sign in group situations. Especially around the holidays! She misses so many conversations and it is difficult for the interpreter to determine what conversation to interpret.

Kelly mentioned in her review that during the school recital the director turned off the sound. The film scanned back and forth with all the happenings but the silence was overwhelming! The deaf parents’ heads were moving back and forth to try to understand what was going on around them! This put all viewers in the place of the deaf characters. Wow! This was a great approach to give you the feeling of their daily life.

The family returned home after the recital. The father and daughter were outside. He was asking questions about the song she performed. He asked her to sing it to him. She obliged and he put his hand on her throat! She seemed surprised but realized he wanted to feel her voice! Kelly started at a school when she was a year old. They worked with Diane and Kelly on her speech. Mirroring mouth movement for repetitive sounds. I remember putting Kelly’s tiny hand on my throat and repeating sounds. I remember her face. Kelly always showed amazing facial expressions as a toddler!

Toward the end of the movie the daughter was auditioning for admission to a prestigious music school. Her family was not allowed in her performance but found their way to the balcony. They entered quietly not to tip off they were there. She started her performance of “Both Sides Now” by Joni Michell  and she saw them. She started to sign the song about 1/3 of the way directly to her family! This confused the staff evaluating her until they realized her family was there.  The irony of the song was well represented to the struggles she had. She fell back into her role as interpreter where she should be individually focused. You could see the love she had for her family!

“Rows and flows of angel hair

And ice cream castles in the air

And feather canyons everywhere

Looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun

They rain and they snow on everyone

So many things I would have done

But clouds got in my way”

Looking at things from Both Sides Now is a constant effort! Understanding one’s perception may not be what you actually see. This movie really made me think! I hope more opportunities come for these people to express their views of the world!

Please watch this movie! I am sorry to give details before seeing it but I wanted to reference these moment to my personal experience. 

My thoughts about CODA movie as a Deaf person

In mid-August, there was a new movie making a splash. Apple+ released ‘CODA’ starring Marlee Matlin.  The term CODA stands for Child of Deaf Adult[s] so it was a movie portraying a life of a CODA. The movie was selected to be shown in limited theaters. I was thrilled that Mystic Luxury Cinemas was one of the theaters to feature the movie. I haven’t gone to the movie theaters in 6 years! When I lived in Rochester, NY — the movie theaters had a limited schedule of when movies would play with open captions (subtitles that appears on the screen). In 2013, the movie theaters moved to offering closed-captioning glasses. It is an accessibility tool, 3-D glasses that have captioning. It appears when you wear the glasses while watching the movie. 

It should’ve been a win, right? Except the captioning glasses are a nuisance. The 3-D glasses have two large boxes on the side which are bulky and heavy! Each time I went to the movies, I found myself leaving with a headache and sore neck. The glasses were so heavy that it always left an imprint on my nose bridge and on the sides of my face. While wearing the glasses, I had to stay still and laser focus on the movie screen to see the captions. If I looked over to a person’s face, the captions would be on their face. Sometimes the color of the movie screen washed out the captions (they’re yellow) so I would have to tilt my head down to the dark area under the screen. It was difficult to go back and forth from reading the captions under the screen to looking at the screen. Going to the movies wasn’t relaxing any more.  

Posing with the movie poster while signing “I Love You”

‘CODA’ made a move to have burnt in captions on all movies. No matter what, no matter where, everyone could go to the movie theaters and be included with everyone. I was thrilled that I finally had the chance to go to the movies and be comfortable! Especially Mystic Luxury Cinemas, a theater I’ve never been to, had luxury reclining chairs. It was so comfy! I enjoyed it so much that I went back a second time myself one rainy day. 

Before the release of ‘CODA’, I had some hesitance about how good the movie would be. How many Deaf movies do you know out there? Really only one well known movie… ‘Children of a Lesser God’ filmed in 1986, because Marlee Matlin won an Academy Award for her role. Since then, not many movies were made focusing on Deaf characters. Instead, many of them were in the background or played a role with less talking. I was nervous about this movie, if it would have actual representation of the Deaf community. Hollywood also was known to not cast Deaf actors for Deaf roles, which is still being fought for to this day. I had learned that when the director of ‘CODA’ shared the idea of the movie, she was turned down at first because she wanted Deaf actors. She fought to cast Deaf people and ended up getting her way! The Deaf actors casted in ‘CODA' were Marlee Matlin (Deaf mom/Jackie), Troy Kotsur (Deaf dad/Frank), and Daniel Durant (Deaf brother/Leo).

Now, my movie review for ‘CODA’ gets 5 out of 5 stars! It was amazing. I just loved it. I mean, you can’t beat the New England setting which was filmed in Gloucester, Massachusetts. And the fact that the movie focused on a Deaf family. The main character was a CODA girl attending high school, pursuing her music goals while working in the fishing business with her Deaf family. I thought it was a good representation of the Deaf community. Just a reminder, there are so many sub-categories within the Deaf community so obviously the movie couldn’t fit in each and every one of them. The movie showed the reality of the Deaf family’s life, even beyond the deafness. It normalized the Deaf family as a small business owner and in other activities such as going to the bar and drinking, Tinder scrolling, sibling banters, sexual activities and more. It focused on the relationship of the CODA with her Deaf family and the hearing world. 

I loved how there were a few scenes throughout the movie that I could relate to; the interpreter issues for one. CODA’s are often interpreting for their parents because many hearing people see them as available and free. The hearing people take advantage of that, so it has caused many CODA’s to have to grow up faster because they shouldered that responsibility of providing accessibility for their parents. Ruby, the main character, was interpreting at meetings, negotiating fish prices, in court and doctor appointments for her parents. The movie didn’t speak about the accessibility issues with finding an interpreter, but it portrayed the Deaf parents as people relying on a family member. I knew that I relied on my hearing family (and even friends!) while growing up. I’ve always felt like a burden to others. The issue is that I wasn’t given that chance to be independent and speak for myself just like the Deaf parents/brother weren’t in the movie.  

Jackie, the Deaf mom expressed her thoughts with Ruby towards the end of the movie about her reaction to Ruby being hearing. I am not a mother yet, but hopefully someday. I have fears of being a parent of a CODA. I know how to do things as a Deaf person, so how do I do some things with a hearing kid? Jackie described the fear as feeling a disconnection. Would my child prefer to use sign language to speak with me? Would my child find me annoying later on in life because of my deafness? I grew up feeling like a burden on my family and worried that my brother resented me. I don’t want that with my kids.  

Another thing that struck a chord with me throughout the movie was Leo constantly trying to prove himself. I didn’t realize how much I grew up focusing on proving everyone wrong. There were so many stereotypes of Deaf people that I didn’t want to be victim of. I worked so hard in school to get far in life. Watching Leo wanting that independence and everyone else to respect him just hit me in the feels. I wanted that respect from everyone too. I want them to think I have the ability to do anything! While growing up, everyone focused on everyone around me, instead of looking at me as an individual. If someone wanted to say something to me, they would look to them to interpret for me instead of writing it down. In restaurants, it was them that servers would look to. I felt like I always had to prove myself, even to this day, I find myself still doing that. 

I enjoyed how the movie tried to show some aspects of being Deaf. The one scene that also struck a chord with me, was the concert. The Deaf family went to the concert for Ruby to support her. Ruby and her classmates sang the first song while the Deaf family had no idea of what was being sung, if it was enjoyable, etc. It showed them having small talks about their surroundings or thinking about dinner plans. It made me laugh because I do that! I always find myself people-watching at events without accessibility. The second song that Ruby sang, the movie cut off the sound and made all viewers live through a few moments of a Deaf person’s life. I hope that really makes the viewers think about that! It was a powerful moment. 

Do I have criticism for the movie? Of course, no movie is perfect. Instead, I want to focus that there was even a movie made about the Deaf community and put the spotlight on CODA. We all in the Deaf community so much deserve that. I hope that many people watch it (it’s still playing in selected theaters, but available to everyone on Apple+ TV). I went to see the movie twice at the theater, and both times it made me feel so good to see other people there. I was in disbelief that the theater was more than half full. I was expecting sparse audiences. The people also varied from elderly, families, couples and even some came alone. It made me feel so good. These people were willing to watch a movie about my world!

My years as a Deaf first responder

Happy EMS (Emergency Medical Services) Week!

It is a week that occurs annually in mid May. Honoring EMS for all that they do. It is a bittersweet time for me, as I reflect on my experiences with the volunteer ambulance organization. I have learned a lot from these years.

Some background first, while I was in Rochester, NY I was on the track of joining the fire department after meeting a deaf firefighter. I knew I always had a passion for the emergency field. I went on a few ride alongs with the fire department, which I learned a lot especially about the tools that the deaf firefighter used. Unfortunately I didn’t live in the town of that fire department so I had to go to the neighboring fire department. I met another deaf firefighter there which again, I went on a couple ride alongs. I was about to join officially when a new bylaw was passed that any member of the fire department would have to pass a hearing test with the radio communications. At the same time, my passion for the criminal justice system was increasing as I was majoring in the classes. I spent a lot time with lawyers at the court houses so I decided to pursue this path. 

When I moved to Connecticut, it was impossible for me to stay in the criminal justice field. This is when I decided to re-visit the fire department idea. I met a female volunteer who gave me a tour and explained how the fire department also housed the ambulance organization. She was a dual member of both, so she was helpful in sharing all the information. I decided to try the ambulance organization. I officially joined, after being voted in. I remember I was nervous about other members having some hesitancy about having a deaf responder. At the time, I felt welcomed. 

My pup visited me one night while I was on duty.

I requested to be a driver, which I was told that I had to be certified in CPR and EMR (emergency medical responder) first. I also thought it would be worthwhile to see all aspects on the ride alongs first to solidify that I wanted to be a driver. In the beginning, it was challenging to find a crew for me to ride with. 

Once a crew was found for me to ride with, I followed someone who was a dual driver/EMT. I acted as an assistant, carrying equipments and doing whatever they asked me. I spent most of time observing and learning. After a couple years of doing the ride alongs, I felt ready to start the process of being a driver but I was still not EMR certified. 

I asked a few times about the training/classes but I wasn’t told when they would be offered. I continued to ride on the ride alongs, but I started to stay with the driver only. I would ride up front with the driver. When the EMTs brought patients into the hospital, I would restock/clean the rig with the driver. I was quickly getting burnt out with doing scut work when I wanted to advance in my driver training. 

On some of the medical calls, it was ALS (advanced life support) so a paramedic traveling in a medical truck (employed by the hospital) would meet us at the scene. The paramedic would ride in the back of the rig. Sometimes a firefighter will drive the truck to the firehouse, the ambulance will bring the paramedic back to the truck after the transport. If there happened to be an extra crew member on the ambulance, they could drive the truck following the ambulance to the hospital. One call, the paramedic asked me to drive. It was a big moment for me! I felt responsible, trustworthy, and really good! 

Ambulance rig and medical truck (the one that I drove several times) parked at the hospital.

The same paramedic quickly took me under his wings on the calls. I started riding in the back to the rig if he was there. He showed me how to start up the heart monitor machine, get the supplies together and ready for him to use, etc. I felt motivated again! We had a long conversation off duty one day about my goals, as well my frustration about being certified. He stepped up, continued to show me how to do things to my abilities and allowed me to try more things. One of most rewarding experiences the paramedic allowed me to try was administrating narcan. It was a couple weeks after getting trained in narcan, that we had a drug overdose call. The paramedic was already on scene and gave the patient the first round of narcan. I had just told the paramedic the previous week that I got the training and he remembered. He told me to ‘come over here and do it’. I was terrified! It was amazing feeling that I actually did something physically life saving. 

I met another paramedic from the same hospital through a mass causality training exercise. The exercise had multiple departments participation. I wasn’t able to do a lot with the lack of certifications. I followed around a few people, feeling helpless and frustrated. I knew that I had the abilities to do some tasks. The paramedic never met me before this day, so when I was placed in the back of the rig with her, she didn’t realize that I was deaf. It didn’t stop her from telling me to get the patients’ information (there was 4 ‘fake’ patients with us). I froze because I’ve never did that basic step! This was 3 years in of being a volunteer with the ambulance organization. I was embarrassed but it turned into a training session for me to learn how to do this step. The ‘fake patients’ were very willing to help out, writing via paper and pen (of course I know this would be unrealistic in real emergent situations) but the point was these 5 people took the time to focus on me to learn something that day. I felt very accomplished.

A selfie after completing a call.

This is when I felt like I wasn’t being advocated well enough to try more tasks on the ride alongs enough that both paramedics saw that. I realized how much I was being held back from furthering. On the other hand, I was voted the scheduling officer within first year of being a volunteer. I was responsible for assembling shifts, finding coverages, maintaining updated rosters and assemble coverage for special events. The members were very accommodating with me in my position as the scheduling officer by texting or emailing me. As the time went on, it was getting difficult to do one task which was assigning new incoming members to their mentors. I watched them move up the ranks much faster than me. I felt like other mentors devoted their time to educate them. It wasn’t fair to me. I felt stuck and that I wasn’t going anywhere. I felt that they only saw my skills limited to administrative duties. I really wanted to further my training to get certified and actual help people out in the field. 

After being a volunteer for 3 years, the local newspaper contacted the director of the ambulance organization wanting to do an article on me. I was thrilled that they thought I was newsworthy and saw this as a great opportunity to show everyone that DEAF CAN! I also felt conflicted, because I couldn’t brag about all the tasks that I knew I was capable of that I wasn’t doing. When the article was published, I received so many praise from family, friends, coworkers and the community. I was proud but also frustrated. 

The professional photo from the article.

The article gained so much attention from outside of the region, including other deaf responders. I got in touch with a few from New York, New Jersey, Illinois, Ohio, Maine, Massachusetts and more. Two deaf firefighters from Connecticut had contacted me too, after talking to them about our limitations, I realized that I was really limited! 

It motivated me to start asking questions about why I wasn’t close to my goal of being a driver. I was finally given a reason… ‘insurance liability’. I got in touch with a disability lawyer who had a deaf husband working as an EMT in Washington D.C. so she was very aware about disability laws. She was very helpful in guiding me with what next steps to take. I contacted the insurance agency that the town had a contract with, which he refused to share the information but forwarded my inquiry to the town mayor. 

The town mayor invited me in for a meeting. When I joined the ambulance, it was a different mayor at the time but the assistant was same person who had been there for the original meeting (that I wasn’t aware of) to determine whether I would be allowed to drive. The mayor explained that he was summarized about this by his assistant and stated that ‘insurance liability’ never was an issue. AND that I was allowed to drive as long there was reasonable accommodation. I was baffled. Wait, what?! My mouth literally dropped to the floor. I came to the meeting with my sleeves rolled up prepared for a fight only to feel that I wasted my time. I left the meeting in disbelief, beyond frustrated, embarrassed and defeated.

I had to really analyze if this was something worthwhile to fight for. Did I have passion for this? I went to the monthly executive board meeting (as the scheduling officer), the training officer who had been at the meeting with the mayor had already taken the steps to research tools for the reasonable accommodations. I had felt sad for that week so when I saw what he had done, I felt supported. He saw my abilities and wanted to help. This is exactly what I had needed.

I finished cleaning the rig and was waiting for my crew.

I went on a few more ride alongs and resigned from the scheduling officer position. I started to find out more and more. When I first joined, there had been an executive board meeting to decide about my request to be a driver. Why wasn’t I present to advocate myself? How would anyone know what resources were available? I’ve lived my entire life deaf, so I knew better than anyone. I also got the impression that the organization might’ve been concerned about the financial aspect of supporting me. Eventually, I took a leave of absence to see if my heart was still in it. After 3 months, I officially resigned. 

It is very likely that I was the first deaf person for the majority to meet. I hope they learned that I was capable of doing anything. I hope in the future, they can be open minded, allow others to grow and support them in their goals. If you are in a position to support someone like me to accomplish their goals, be that person! You want to be remembered as someone who helped, not someone who didn’t help. Nothing more rewarding than that.

Resigning was the most difficult decision because I felt that I failed. I was so hurt. I felt betrayed. The 4 years would’ve been so different if I knew right at the beginning about the reasonable accommodation. I had invested a lot of my time to respond to those calls and attend all the meetings to not get the results I had aimed for. This is not the story I had hope to write about. I wish this was a successful deaf role model story for others to be inspired by, but I know in my heart that I tried. I try to not look at this experiences as a waste of time, because I did gain a lot from the experiences. I met many people in the field who taught me things, learned about myself and met some life long friends. 

I attended the CT EMS Expo annually, one year I met the crew of Nightwatch TV show (based in New Orleans, LA).

Holiday Lights at Olde Mistick Village

‘Tis the season!

December is one of my favorite months when all towns gets into the holidays festive mood! I love walking around to see garlands, wreaths, trees, ornaments and all the decor. It is different this year without our usual events. The season typically kicks off with the annual holiday boat lights parade that happens the weekend following Thanksgiving. This year it was the lights show at Olde Mistick Village!

Olde Mistick Village (as previously blogged about here) is having their holiday lights spectacular show. The lights have already been lit since the week of Thanksgiving and will remain on until January. According to their website, it is the largest lights display in southern the New England region with over half a million lights! It is decorated throughout the village, which is very walk-able and perfect for social distancing activities. Come see the Christmas wonderland!

Shops are also open later for holiday shopping if you haven’t finished your shopping! Please consider shopping small to help businesses to keep thriving in our community through this difficult time. I’ve listed my recommendations in the previous blog (linked in last paragraph). The shops are opened until 8pm, with exception of the weekends (9pm Friday & Saturday and 6pm on Sunday).

To add to the festivities at Olde Mistick Village, Jealous Monk brought out some igloos in their beer gardens! It can fit 4-8 people. Reservations are strongly encouraged as they only have a few time slots per day (to allow cleaning in between uses). Email: Brittany@jealous-monk.com

Sailing Tall Tales

My parents recently visited me for the week from Upstate New York. One of my dad’s favorite activities is being out on the water, so he arranged us to go on a sailing adventure. I get super nervous when it comes to being on a form of transportation (ferry, boats, trains, etc) with many strangers and when I’m not operating it. Luckily, the sailing adventure my dad arranged for us was on a private sailing vessel and the best part? My family and I were the only passengers on the sailboat!

We headed to New London, CT to the boat marina located right next to Captain Scott’s Lobster Dock. The private vessel named Tall Tales was docked in the marina, which is where we met Captain Stu Reininger. Captain Stu is an interesting person with many stories from his life experiences! Throughout the cruise, he shared tidbits of his professional sailing career and educated us on how to sail. His passion for sailing has been documented in several books that he wrote (see more details on his website). I plan to get my hands on a copy of ‘A Reef in Time’ to read about his adventures.

Tall Tales took us down the Thames River which neighbors the City of New London and Groton. It was a beautiful day for a cruise so we enjoyed the picturesque views. We passed by General Dynamics Electric Boat, UConn Avery Point, Fort Griswold, Fort Trumbull, Ocean Beach and USCG base. At one point, we were able to see four lighthouses at same time (Ledge Light, Avery Point, New London and Race Rock). That was an amazing sight to see!

We were able to move around on the sailboat. I started out by standing on the stern (back) then sat up front on the bow. Sitting on the bow was relaxing as I sat there inhaling the smell of fresh ocean water and summer air. The water wasn’t rough that day so it was a smooth sail!

Book your cruise with Tall Tales via their website here. There’s a minimum of two passengers up to a maximum of 6. Captain Stu can take you for a lunch cruise which is one hour long with lunch from Captain Scott’s. Contact Captain Stu for further questions or inquires!

Headed towards Thames River.

Captain Stu setting up the sails.

Red buoy with General Dynamics in the background.

New London Lighthouse.

I spy the Ledge Light up ahead!

Self portrait.

Another sailboat on Thames River.

The sail.

Ropes, ropes and more ropes!

Closer to the Ledge Light.

A relaxing moment on the water.

Posing on the sailboat with City of New London in the background.

US Coast Guard Eagle ship and City of New London.

The City of New London is a pretty sight from the water (I see the fire boat FireFighter too!).

Olde Mistick Village

The duck pond at Olde Mistick Village.

Olde Mistick Village hosts their annual Cabin Fever Festival and Charity Chowder Cook-off this month. I have attended this event religiously ever since 2012! It’s always a fun event which I previously blogged about on here. I realized is that I never went in details about the Olde Mistick Village. What is it exactly? It is an outdoor shopping center with over 50+ unique shops. The village also has the vibe of the colonial 18th century New England. It’s always enjoyable to take a stroll around this beautiful village which is opened year-round. The village also consists of a luxury movie cinema theater, restaurants and services.

If you’re coming into Mystic, CT from I-95, Olde Mistick Village will be your first stop right off the highway. It’s an ideal stop for stretching out those legs from the car ride and to check out everything they have to offer. Each shop has something to offer for everyone. I love the variety of shops making it unique. I will mention my favorite shops (organized by the route starting at the first shop to the last one) and where to DINE below:

Alice in the Village is inspired by the movie ‘Alice in the Wonderland’ with a tearoom and shop. It’s so fun to walk in here and feel like you’re in the movie! There are bakery cases with treats to take on the go with drinks as well. If you have time, sit in their tearoom and order British Afternoon Tea. The treats will come on those three-tier stands! In their shop, they sell Disney items and teas.

The fun whimsy interior of Alice in the Village.

Toy Soldier was the first store to open in Olde Mistick Village. It is the classic family owned old fashioned toy store. Walking in here, you will immediately feel welcomed while having nostalgia of your childhood. It’s a good shop to get your kids a toy or buy a gift for the kid in your life! If you aren’t sure what to get, they are willing to help you and are very knowledgeable.

Get a selfie with the bear at Toy Soldier!

Garden Specialties is the perfect shop for the garden lovers. There are items for your outdoor gardening spaces, as well home decor items. I feel like I always see unique products here every time I stop in. I also love the Willow Tree collection which they sell it in their store.

The Boardwalk makes me feel like I’m at the Jersey Shore. For those who may not know, I’m actually a Jersey girl, born in central New Jersey. It’s always fun to visit this shop. The shop has all of your Mystic souvenirs as well beach decor for the home. There are also clothing, hats, glasses, signs and many more.

Becca Rose carries goat milk soap, skincare, makeup, face care, candles, books and many more. Many of their products focus around wellness. When you walk into the shop, it always smells so good. The friendly customer service is always top notch and very knowledgeable. I’ve brought the goat milk soaps and the essential oil patches. I love them! Their patches are great for headaches, anxiety, sleep comfort, muscle relaxing, focus, stress relief and more. Each of the soap is also classified by the remedies it works best for, making it easy for the customers to choose!

The goat milk soaps at Becca Rose.

Irish Eyes is my favorite Irish store in Connecticut. I’ve had MANY purchases from this store, as you know I am a proud IRISH girl! They carry clothing (those comfy sweaters!), home goods, accessories, jewelry, hats, BELLEEK products, teas and many more! I love that they have my favorite chocolate from Butler’s in Dublin, Ireland. It’s difficult to find them in the United States. The owner is very friendly too, willing to help any customers. She was willing to place a special order when I was in search of a replacement Claddagh ring. The jewelry section has so many beautiful items that I wish I could buy them all!

Irish Eyes, one of my favorite shops!

Deviant Donuts serves up their delicious gourmet donuts every weekend. Those donuts are out of the world amazing! The donuts are fresh made in their shop. Each weekend they have a special theme dedicated to the donuts. Just look at their Instagram, it is mouth watering! The donuts do sell out FAST every weekend! Be sure to watch their IG for the weekly specials and set those alarms!

Vault/Deviant Donuts did Patriots themed donuts when they were in the 2019 Superbowl!

R.A. Georgetti & Co. is a fun store! I feel like it’s a maze full of treasures. This shop has a large collection of everything from jewelry, glassware, home decor items, accessories, figurines and many more that I am missing. They are able to have so many products to sell without making the shop feel cluttered, which amazes me! There’s definitely something for anyone in this shop. I love checking out the Jim Shore collections when I go in there. The folks working there are always welcoming and friendly.

Franklin’s General Store is known for their amazing FUDGE. I didn’t even like fudge, I took a bite of their free samples that they give out daily and I was SOLD! I’ve been back everytime since buying fudge for friends, family and myself. They do seasonal flavors monthly - usually February is cherry vanilla which is my favorite! Be sure to sample their fudge or if you’re not a fudge person, they have delicious roasted nuts too. The general store sells gifts for anyone - books, puzzles, home ware goods, candles, nostalgia candy, t-shirts and canned goods. I’ve been a long time customer of this store, it’s one of my favorites.

Out here, you can smell the roasting nuts. Fresh fudge is in there too!

Pop on the Block is the store for the popcorn fanatics! They have a variety of flavored popcorn. There’s even flavors that you will be shocked by! Peanut butter and jelly popcorn! Coffee popcorn! Dill pickles popcorn! Pizza popcorn! Maryland crab and cheddar popcorn! The list goes on and on and on! I loved their chocolate peppermint popcorn they had around the holidays. The popcorns are so good, and locally made. I love that the popcorn is sourced from USA farms. There are variety packs, gift baskets and even popcorn pizzas to buy as gifts! I like that i’m able to sample popcorn before making a purchase. I’ve always had helpful service from staff in the shop.

The delicious dark chocolate peppermint popcorn!

Kitch is centrally located in middle of the village with their infamous duck pond. Many visitors have flocked to the pond to see the ducks. This setting was used in a Hallmark Christmas movie (A Very Nutty Christmas with Melissa Joan Hart). Kitch is a kitchen ware store selling cookware, knives, gadgets and utensils for the kitchen. I love shopping their cookie cutters selection - they have many to choose from! They host cooking classes in the store too. I had plans to go out for Valentine’s Day dinner one year but bad weather at dinner time cancelled the reservation. The dinner plans turned into a brunch cooking class. That was one of the best Valentine’s day date! It was so much fun, we learned how to cook some delicious foods. Be sure to check their website for their upcoming cooking classes. It’s worth while to go!

Kelley’s Pace, the place to go for running shoes. I popped in there one year when Brooks (the brand) did a special run of limited edition Boston Marathon sneakers. I was obsessed with the lobster sneakers! This was when I found out the meaning behind Kelley’s Pace - founded by John Kelley who was 1957 Boston Marathon winner. There is a statue of John Kelley in downtown Mystic, across the street from Mystic Pizza. Kelley’s impressed me with their excellent customer service. They were very friendly and willing to help you find the right shoes (even if it’s not for running). If you want to join a running group, they have one that runs on Thursday nights. I love how Kelley’s Place is involved in the community. Their Hare Hop 5K is coming up on March 7th at 9AM - sign up is on their website.

Need some running shoes? This is the place to go!

Sticky Situations has the BEST honey selection! I love the many flavored honeys that I’ve purchased over the years from here. My favorite is the elderberry honey - I put it on my salmon. Another favorite is the dark chocolate honey as well the peppermint honey. What to eat with the honey? No worries, each of the honey has a sign with recommendations. It’s super helpful! On top of that, the folks working there are also willing to help too. I’ve engaged in several conversations which gave me plenty of ideas on how to combine their honey with my favorite foods. You can sample ALL OF THE HONEYS! It’s super helpful to be able to taste and buy your favorites! They also sell olive oil, vinegar, syrup and pasta sauces.

Showing off my favorite honey, elderberry along with Coffee Bean Honey Butter (it was first time to try it and the verdict is… thumbs up!)

Bleu Squid located behind Sticky Situations is known for their cupcakes and grilled cheese. It’s 1:00 PM in the afternoon and you’re craving breakfast. Where to go? Bleu Squid serves breakfast (as well regular lunch food) all day long. Pancakes, eggs, gourmet sandwiches, house made soups and grilled cheese sandwiches. My heart is breaking now that I recently discovered my dairy allergy. I’m telling you, the grilled cheese sandwiches are delicious. My favorite was the chicken cheddar which is grilled cheese with chicken, sauteed apples and cheddar. Sounds simple but it is good! Save some room in your tummies for their award winning cupcakes.

Bleu Squid - home of the grilled cheese and delicious cupcakes.

Sofia’s Mystical Christmas is the place to go for ornaments! Stocked with a variety of ornaments for your nurse, EMT, teacher, Irish, newlyweds, firefighter and ANYONE. The ornaments are organized so it’s easy to maneuver through the shop to pick what you need. Need a Mystic ornament? They’ve got it. I love shopping in here yearly to pick out gifts for others or even to find new ornament for my tree! The store is willing to personalize ornaments too.

Posted on Kitch building - most of OMV shops allows dogs!

There’s so many more shops that were not mentioned. I can’t just list them all! That’s why I said there is something for absolutely everyone! It’s always fun to visit Olde Mistick Village year-round. I love to take walks there with my pup, enjoying all that it has to offer. It is so dog friendly there! Most shops will allow well behaved dogs to come inside. Few years ago the Olde Mistick Village security guard even brought his dog, sporting a security vest and sunglasses, to a past chowder cook off festival. I definitely suggest you guys see the village at night time with their beautiful lights. Every building is dressed with lights. It can get busy at the clam chowder cook off festival so you will want to plan to come back again to really see what Olde Mistick Village is all about. Off to stretch my tummy for all of those delicious chowders…

The security pup that was at the clam chowder cook off back in 2014!

The Meeting House next to the duck pond. On Valentine’s Day, many couples renewed vows or got married here!

The luxury movie theater in OMV. People love the luxury chairs in there… only if the movies were captioned I would be there!

B had to get a photo with the gnome! It is in front of Bestemors, a Scandinavian gift shop located near the duck pond.

Deaf while Dating

Dating is an adventure for everyone. It was especially hard for me because of communication barriers. I mentioned that I grew up in mainstreamed school. My only options for dating were the hearing guys. How do I approach them? How do I let them know that I have a crush on them? Will they learn sign language for me? It was challenging to develop friendships so dating was even harder.

I was lucky to have a cute “first boyfriend” story. In 3rd grade, I became best friends with a male hearing classmate. I don’t remember how we communicated back then during classes. I think it might’ve been all writing. Our school had an annual event where we write notes to anyone in the school. During that annual event in 4th grade, he wrote me a note. The note said “Dear Kelly, do you love me or not. If you do just give me your phone number and address. Your secret admirer. The boy now sits across from you. The first letter in his name is R.” Stinking adorable, right? It was an innocent elementary school crush but I was impressed how he made the effort and didn’t see me as a deaf person if he asked for a phone number! I ended up giving him what he asked for and we would play together after school. For my birthday, he gave me a Spice Girls (I was obsessed with them!) watch. Unfortunately when I moved to a new school, I lost touch with him. Looking back at this, even through it was innocent elementary school crush, I was impressed how my deafness didn’t stop him.

In middle school, relationships were forming everywhere around me. I had many crushes. It was difficult for me to have a boyfriend. Many boys were shy or nervous about my deafness. They were old enough to know that it would be a challenge. I didn’t have any boyfriends in middle school, but I did have a long time crush on one particular boy that I played with on the co-ed soccer team. We flirted, we passed notes, and we hung out at lunch during school. He never learned sign language. I had a feeling that he had a crush on me but didn’t know how to have a relationship with a deaf person. This went on for a few years.

In the last year of middle school I met a boy that attended another school across town. I met him through my cousin, they had played baseball together. This was the second guy to directly tell me that he had a crush on me. Our relationship was entirely online through AOL instant messenger, we saw each other a few times in person. It was difficult to continue because we lived on different sides of the town. It only lasted 6 months but it was a great feeling to finally be liked back. I really crushed on him because he saw past my deafness. It was rare to find guys to do that. We did get back together briefly in high school but it ended because of communication barriers. Despite him seeing past my deafness, he didn’t learn sign language. It was so easy to talk with him online but in person was another story.

High school was very similar to middle school. It was difficult to get past any communication barriers when it came to dating. Any bonds I had with guys were friendships. I attended a summer camp at RIT/NTID the year before my senior year of high school. The summer camp was a 6-days exploration program for college-bound seniors. Everyone who attended the program was deaf or hard of hearing. I met a guy during the camp that turned into a long distance relationship for a year. This was my first deaf boyfriend. It was an interesting experience to not have the communication issues. He understood the deaf struggles so it was easy to connect on that. The only challenge with our relationship was that he lived outside of Chicago, Illinois. It made me different from my friends who had their boyfriends/girlfriends locally. It was tough to be long distance but I was glad to have a boyfriend when all of my friends had boyfriends/girlfriends. He came to visit me over Christmas break then I went to his prom in spring time. I flew at 17 years old to Chicago on my own! That was quite the experience. I did had an incident when I missed my layover in Detroit, Michigan because I couldn’t find someone to communicate with to help me find the gate. I passed a note to multiple agents with no luck. I eventually made it to Chicago 3 hours late than my original arrival time. I was terrified to travel alone but I did it! We both were RIT/NTID bound in the fall, but broke up during summer because we wanted to explore college independently.

I thought dating wouldn’t be so difficult during college with wide options of both hearing and deaf guys. At least the hearing guys at RIT would be aware of the deaf community and potentially know some signs. Nope! I faced the same difficulty. I dated several hearing guys. We would go out to dinners, attend hockey games, movie nights, etc. The one thing they had in common was that none of them was willing to learn sign language. How did it worked then? It was all writing, texting on our phones or gesturing. After a while they would understand my “deaf accent”. I decided during my second year that I won’t date any more hearing guys who weren’t willing to learn sign language. It was too much work for me!

I’ve had relationships that were communicated entirely on the computer or phone (texting). I was surprised how the guys were OK with that. I didn’t enjoy that we were completely silent when we were hanging out in person. It was awkward! I dated a hearing guy once during college that took me to a hearing dominant party. I sat there for a while not interacting until a hearing guy who knew sign language approached me. He flirted so bad with me which made the guy I was dating jealous! However, when I was with him and his friends, it was impossible to lip read several people at same time. He didn’t know sign language so how could he help to interpret for me? That relationship was very short lived because of that.

It didn’t help my self esteem when I didn’t have guys willing to learn sign language to talk with me. I felt not good enough or liked enough. If they liked me so much, why wouldn’t they learn? Many of you probably are wondering by now, why not just date deaf guys? I dated very few deaf guys during college. None of them ever got serious. The problem is that the deaf community was so small, deaf guys were slim pickings. You may be surprised too, but it was difficult to find deaf guys that came from mainstreamed lifestyle. I preferred those guys in particular because it was difficult to connect with deaf guys who came from a strong deaf background. Some of them had too much pride to even date someone like me who wasn’t “deaf enough”. I dated a hearing guy with deaf connections, so he was fluent in signing. It was really easy to communicate with him. I felt that I was able to get to know him a lot more than other hearing guys I dated.

I noticed it was pretty common among my deaf mainstreamed friends to date hearing people. I don’t know if it was because we came from mainstreamed lifestyles, hearing people were our norm. Deaf and hearing relationships however had a very high rate of breakups/divorces due to communication issues. It’s a lot of pressure already in the beginning of any relationship to have communication to work. I knew that I needed a guy who was willing to put in the effort. If he’s not willing to put in the effort to communicate with me, how would that relationship be successful? I broke up with a hearing guy that I was dating and his response was “Well, it probably was for the best. It wouldn’t have worked with us with the communication issues anyways”. I was baffled at the response. He never once learned sign language. He missed out on knowing me because he didn’t take the time to put in the effort. Seeing this happening so frequently with me and many other deaf people, I only feel sorry for hearing people who were too scared to try. They possibly missed out on a great person in their life. I was mad that I struggled with self esteem over this but I knew my worth. I learned to feel sorry for any guys who missed the opportunity to know me because they let my deafness get in the way!

In my 3rd year of college, I had a traumatizing dating experience. I was talking with a hearing guy that grew up in the same hometown and attended same high school. He didn’t know sign language. This became an incident when communication issues put me in a danger situation. He locked me in his room alone and I was very uncomfortable. I started to freak out and frantically gestured to him that I needed to go. I was shaken to the core. I was wondering is he going to hurt me? I left immediately and felt stupid. I blamed myself. I blamed my deafness. It was communication issues that got me into this incident. He reached out to me after to apologize and told me that he signed up for sign language classes. It was too late for him. I didn’t appreciate the position that he had put me in so I ended all communications with him.

It wasn’t fun for me to date but it did teach me a lot. At times, it actually felt like I had to settle for less. I faced many rejections based on my deafness so I knew communication was first priority whenever I met someone. I learned about what I wanted out of a relationship and focused on the important qualities that I wanted from that right person.

All opinion in this blog are my own. It does not reflect the opinions of other deaf members.

Embracing My Deaf Identity

There are a lot of struggles with being deaf in a hearing world, but also within our own deaf community. Unfortunately it is challenging to find my place in the deaf community even as a deaf individual.

I mentioned in the cochlear implants blog that there are many subgroups of the deaf community. I learned about them when I attended college at RIT (which also had a college for the deaf - National Technical Institute for the Deaf - NTID). During my childhood, I was mainstreamed with all hearing peers so I never truly found my identity until college.

NTID was more of a community college helping deaf students to earn associate degrees. The goal after associate degrees is to either enroll in a bachelors degree program at RIT or transfer to another university for further education. The majority of deaf students were accepted through NTID, but very few were able to transfer into RIT immediately on enrollment depending on their academic success. I spent my first term in NTID then I was enrolled into RIT under the criminal justice program. I was one of three deaf students in the program at the time. Sometimes I would have them in my classes and sometimes I would be the only one. It was more difficult for me to socialize with my deaf peers being mainstreamed again, I had to go seek them out.

For this reason, in my first year of college, I decided to join a deaf sorority. I wanted deaf “girlfriends” so that I could have shopping buddies, I wanted to do all the girly things that I missed out on during childhood and find my future bridesmaids. This helped me to be involved in the deaf world at RIT. Many girls came from all kinds of deaf lives so I learned a lot from them. The sorority was involved in a lot of activities and events at NTID, I was able to socialize with my deaf peers outside the sorority as well. I also learned so much about my deaf culture from my sisters, I never knew there was a famous deaf rapper who happened to be married to my big-big sister’s biological sister - Sean Forbes. I was amazed when we went to one of his concerts and saw him rapping in sign language! The sorority had about 50-60 sisters so there were still “cliques” of girls (mostly based on the subgroups of the deaf community that I had discussed). It was still difficult for me to find my place. I formed a friendship with one who became my best friend who I did everything with. I was disappointed that I didn’t leave with a group of girlfriends as I hoped but I did leave with a lot experiences because of them. The sorority gave me a huge start in exploring my identity.

Another factor that helped me to find my identity was my deaf best friend that I met at a summer camp, before attending RIT. My best friend actually is a Rhode Islander (I had NO idea that I would eventually be a New Englander!). We did everything together in the first two years of college. He taught me a lot about the deaf culture and community. We had a different school upbringing but yet we clicked so well. He attended a deaf institute in Rhode Island before coming to RIT. I saw his self confidence as a deaf individual which helped me to build up mine. When we would go places, I would see him confidently talking to people using his voice or writing (this was in the days before notes were available on phones). He wasn’t afraid to try. He was a very sociable person, and as I was a shy person, that helped me to come out of my shell.

I had a turbulent time during college figuring out where I belonged. I HATED Rochester. Not kidding. I felt like I wasn’t fitting into any groups. I got homesick. I went home every weekend in mid college years. This didn’t help my social life. I realized that I didn’t appreciate the friends that I did have. I closed them off. Luckily for me, some of them were still there at the end. It was a long difficult journey but I did finally accepted myself as a deaf individual.

That time finally came for me in my final year at RIT. It was the greatest feeling. I spent my whole childhood wondering why I was chosen to be different. Being in Rochester changed that perspective for me. It was the closest to a “normal” life that I could ever have. Rochester is much more accessible for the deaf community. Going out to public places was comfortable, hearing people were aware of us. They were used to knowing how to communicate with us and familiar with our “deaf accents”. It was normal to sit at a red light in traffic and see deaf people signing in the car next to you. It was normal to see deaf people signing at Wegman’s while grocery shopping. It was normal for a deaf person to drive right up to the drive-thru window to place an order. There were even deaf professionals in the community such as veterinarians, counselors, dentists, etc. I didn’t feel different at all. I felt at HOME in Rochester.

Why would I move away from Rochester?

I get that question PRETTY OFTEN, even today. I moved to Connecticut shortly after my graduation. Honestly, I did not want to leave Rochester at first. I realized in 2017 that I wanted to stay in New England. As difficult as it was to leave Rochester, the only thing I truly loved about Rochester was feeling that normality but my heart was destined to be near the shoreline.

Moving to Connecticut was an another challenge to start all over in the deaf community. Unfortunately, I am in a “dry spot” in CT, where a deaf community is almost non-existent and there are very few deaf people locally. I would have to drive an hour up to Hartford, CT or Providence, RI to participate in deaf social events. I met the local deaf people, it was hard to socialize with them since they all had kids and I didn’t. I liked them but it wasn’t easy finding things to do together. I was excited when a local event popped up at the casino close by. I was nervous to attend but when I did, only one deaf person talked to me. Another event that I went to, I finally was able to talk to more deaf people but most of the questions I got was criticizing the lifestyle that I chose. They weren’t accepting of me. This drove me away from socializing in further events.

I did get a chance to work at a deaf school up in Hartford, CT. The majority of the staff there were deaf. I was able to socialize with deaf co-workers but I was faced with that acceptance issue again. I was told that many deaf people in Connecticut are protective of their deaf community so they aren’t always welcoming of newcomers. I was upset about that because with the deaf community being so small and with only so few of us, I would think they would be more accepting to have more friends who speak their language and understand their culture. We face discrimination often so I was shocked to get that from my own community. Another thing is that I also was told that I wasn’t “deaf enough”. They were able to understand me when we communicate via sign language. I understand most of deaf culture from what I learned in college. Yet I was still not “deaf enough” because of my mainstreamed upbringing. It is very frustrating.

It is very lonely to be alone in CT but this is when I realized the importance of keeping in touch with my deaf friends from RIT online and via text messaging. I am SO lucky to have them! The distance and going through this difficult experience has helped some of those friendships to grow. I have found that many of them are going through similar experiences of not fitting in their local deaf communities, it isn’t just CT where this is occurring. It shouldn’t be challenging because living life as a deaf individual is already challenging enough!

These experiences have made me stronger BUT I do have my bad days. I learned that it helps to go to Rochester to reset myself. Ironically the place that I once hated has became a place to reset. Those trips are always good because it brings back my confidence and motivation as a deaf individual being back at home around deaf people in the deaf world. I feel better once I feel that normality. It reminds me of the journey I went through to love myself as a deaf person. Rochester is always going to be home for me, a place where I can truly be who I am. I can live with the fact that I won’t have that normality every day but Rochester will always be there for me when I need home. There are still times when I wish I could move back to Rochester permanently, but for now New England has my heart.

Between Two Worlds: Growing Up Deaf in Mainstream Schools

Happy Deaf Awareness Month!

This past week I saw a post that was frequently shared over Instagram. The post quoted “I don’t want to turn a Deaf child into a hearing child. I want to help a Deaf child who struggles become a Deaf child who doesn’t struggle”. Those words just really got to me! It made me reflect on my mainstreamed childhood in the public schools. I had some tough times but also gained a lot from my experiences. It’s important to have the best education but at same time, make sure it fits the needs of each individual. Not all deaf people are the same, so the needs varies!

I was mainstreamed in a public school in Upstate New York my entire life. Being mainstreamed was very challenging. I first attended an elementary school across town that had a specialized classroom for students with hearing loss as well as other disabilities. There was an average of 13 students in the classroom every year. I would spend half of the day in the classroom working on speech and writing.

Let’s go off track for a bit so I can explain why writing was a huge focus for me. Grammar is a common weakness for Deaf people. American Sign Language and English are different language, with different grammar rules. Because of our hearing loss we are not learning the linguistics patterns; therefore, writing can be challenging for many. You can see this sometimes when a Deaf person would write the way they sign. Example: (English) How are you? (ASL - how we would sign) How you? Often when using ASL, the verbs (is, be, am, were, etc) aren’t signed. ASL follows different word orders than spoken English.

I hope this clarify why I needed more time to work on writing and with grammar than an average student needed. So again, my typical day consisted of spending the morning in the special education classroom then in the afternoon, I went to my mainstreamed class. This is when I ate lunch with my peers, attended specials (PE/music/art/library) classes and learn other core subjects (math/science/social studies).

I attended that elementary school up to the 4th grade. Since the school wasn’t in my neighborhood, I had to commute daily on a bus. I begged my parents to let me go to the local elementary school in my neighborhood. I badly wanted to be at same school as my brother and the local kids from my neighborhood. My parents had to fight for me to be allowed to transfer schools. The school I was going to had the special classroom equipped with interpreters, Teacher of the Deaf and speech services. The district didn’t want to pay additional for those services at the local school. Thankfully my parents didn’t give up on the fight and I was able to go to the local school for 5th and 6th grades.

It was one of the best decisions for me to transfer schools. Despite the challenges, it was worth it in the end. The experience made me grow a lot and learn how to be my own advocate. I made local friends. I had grown up watching my brother have local friends who were able to come over to play. My friends from my first school never did that since it was across town. When I transferred to the local school, I made many local friends who were able to play with after school. I had best friends. I had sleepovers. I went to birthday parties. I went to friends’ houses for play dates. I was having the normal friendships that I watched my brother have.

One of the second grade teacher at my local school heard about my upcoming arrival the following year so she hosted a sign language club after school. I was allowed to come as a guest to help her teach kids basic ASL. I made a few friends. This helped tremendously with the first day jitters! I walked into the class immediately knowing some friends because of the club. I was very grateful for that teacher to open doors for friendships! She has no idea how her actions with the sign language club became a major asset for my transition into the new school.

Being at the local school was very different. I felt that because I was clumped in with the special education kids at the first school, it was hard for others to see me as an independent person. While at the local school, I was the only deaf student. Everyone was intrigued with my deafness. They really took the time to get to know me and learn my language and communicate with me. I was more involved in other activities and plays because they saw my ability. I even announced the weather reports over the loudspeakers daily to practice my speech skills! Attending the local school really allowed me to thrive and build my independence.

I went onto middle school and high school with my friends. It became more difficult to socialize with my peers as we got older. It was easier in elementary schools when kids were more willing to learn sign language. ASL was old news by the time we got to high school. Some friendships drifted away, but I still gained new ones.

Some have asked me over the years why I didn’t go to Rochester Deaf School for the Deaf (RSD) in Rochester, NY. Despite the 2 hours drive, it was the closest deaf institute to my hometown. It was common for almost every deaf kid from my area to attend RSD for middle and high school. While I was in middle school, my parents took me to RSD and New York State School for the Deaf (NYSSD) in Rome, NY. We toured the schools and my parents left the decision completely up to me if I wanted to attend.

First of all, it was amazing for me to see a class taught in my language - sign language. Some teachers were deaf too! I was blown away at how this was reality. It’s what I have always dreamed of, a perfect world where everything is spoken in my language and everyone was deaf. I followed students my age around for the day at both deaf institutes. I went to their classes with them. I ate lunch with them. I played in P.E. class with them. It was so much fun communicating completely in my language with people who understood me. The world that day was fully immersed in deaf culture. That was the biggest pro of deaf institutes - I would not suffer with socializing aspect. Education was whole other story.

I was disappointed from my observations in the classes that I attended how far behind they were. I was in 7th grade at the time, and they were teaching materials that I had learned in 5th grade. The classes were much smaller with a range of 5-7 students. I can’t exactly say why the education at the time of my visit was behind - it could been lack of staff or resources. It could been that these students needed more time to learn things. Sometimes it can be delayed for deaf people to learn things. You can see an example of that from interpreters. When a speaker is talking, the interpreter has to listen then think about how to interpret that information, then interpret. We will always be a couple of minutes behind from receiving that information. What you see in few minutes with an interpreter can apply to teaching years worth of materials to deaf children. It may require some extra time for them to understand. Some deaf kids have language deprivation at young ages due to their parents not knowing what to do with them. It can delay the whole learning process because teaching them language is a priority in order for them to be able to receive information. I see this issue at NTID (deaf college in Rochester) too. Everyone’s learning processes varies.

It was a very difficult decision to pick opportunities over social life. The mainstreamed school offered so much more classes and activities that the deaf institutes didn’t. Another huge factor in my decision to stay at the mainstreamed school was wanting to stay local with my family and friends. If I had decided to attend the deaf institute, I would have to stay in the residential dorms during the week. The students travels to the institute every Mondays and travel back home on Fridays for the weekends. It was extremely hard for me to imagine that lifestyle because I grew up doing everything with my family, even during the week. I didn’t want to miss out on things with my family. I relied on seeing my family daily (back in the days before videophones existed!). I couldn’t imagine not seeing my brother, who is my best friend, every day.

This decision continue to come up through out my mainstreamed years. It got really difficult at times. There were times when I struggled with social life. I was lonely when I didn’t have many friends. It wasn’t easy. I thought about how different my life would have been if I took the deaf institute path. I have imagined all kinds of scenarios but in the end, I know it was the best decision for me. I knew I would eventually go to RIT/NTID for college which had the deaf community I was searching for. I just had to wait a bit longer to have that. My years in mainstreamed schools taught me a lot and made me learn how to thrive, how to be an advocate and how to be independent.

All opinion in this blog are my own. It does not reflect the opinions of other deaf members.

Whittle's Willow Spring Farm

One of my favorite things about living in New England are the farms. There are so MANY around here. Every road trip, you will see at least one farm stand on the roadside. I love that! I didn’t see too much of that in the area that I grew up in Upstate New York. I learned more about the importance of farming once I started living here. I appreciate them so much more for the ability to provide us with fresh food!

Whittle’s Willow Spring Farm in Mystic, Connecticut quickly became my favorite farm stand in the area. They have the BEST sweet corn during summer time. I literally go there weekly just for the corn! They also sell many other veggies, eggs, honey and more. I also love their peaches and tomatoes. So delicious! The farm stand is always plentiful and has great prices.

Delicious juicy peaches.

The farm stand during summers.

BEST corn ever (the cornfield is where the pumpkin patch will be in the Fall).

During the fall (my most favorite season!), Whittle’s is the place to be. They have apple picking with plenty of trees for you to pick from. I found it very difficult to find an apple orchard that is dog friendly. Luckily I am able to bring my pup with me to Whittle’s Willow Spring Farm. Please do respect the farm, keep your pets leashed and pick up after them. The apple picking usually starts in September. The apples are always so juicy!

I go to Whittle’s Willow Spring Farm every October for pumpkins too! They have a gigantic pumpkin patch where you can pick your own pumpkins. Last fall, they had white and mint green pumpkins! They were really cool so I purchased a few of those. I love putting pumpkins on the front steps of my home. Again, I am able to bring my pup with me for pumpkin picking. I love getting annual family photos in the pumpkin patch. In their farm stand, they sell gourds, sugar pumpkins, Indian corns, etc.

The pumpkin patch.

Go big or gourd home!

There are farm animals in the pen next to the farm stand - roosters, chickens and pigs. It’s fun to visit them! This summer the mama pig just had a few babies, it’s been fun to visit the piglets!

Oink oink! The 10 weeks old pig.

The farm is currently operating under the fifth generation of the family, the farm has been around for a long time. Every time I visit the farm stand, they are friendly and knowledgeable. They answer any questions I may have or give tips on how to use the produces (like what’s the best way to cook corn, etc). During apple and pumpkin picking seasons, they put up decors and tractors for folks to enjoy and take photos with. Their customer service is always top notch!

Fall 2015 - my pup had enough of my kisses!

Fall 2016 - posing on the tractor.

Fall 2017.

Fall 2018 - the pup is too busy looking for the perfect pumpkin!

This blog is not sponsored. All opinions in this blog are my own.

Is Ireland Deaf-Friendly? My Honest Experience

I was born into an Irish family with strong pride for our Irish heritage. I love everything Irish and about Ireland. It was natural that the first time I left America was for the beautiful countryside of Ireland. It was on my bucket list to see everything that my ancestral country had to offer. I recall being so nervous to leave the customs that I am familiar with especially with my deafness. I had no idea what to expect - how the people over there would react to my deafness? How will they talk to me if I didn’t understand them? Will they be more mean? Will I meet deaf people in Ireland and will they be nice?

Cliffs of Moher in County Clare, Ireland.

First of all, the people in Ireland blew me away. They were AMAZINGLY nice! Ireland is very welcoming to its tourists, the Irish people are very helpful. I interacted with people daily and never came across a mean person. It made the whole experience of traveling through Ireland so much easier. It wasn’t hard to approach a local and get information.

One day I went to tour the House of Waterford Crystal in Waterford, Ireland. The admissions desk noticed that I was deaf when I was signing so they told me that there was someone on the factory tour that knew sign language. They said they would check if he was working that day and make sure that we meet. I figured it was just a hearing person who knew some sign to communicate with all the tourists that came through there daily. Boy, was I wrong! This is when I met my first Irish deaf friend, Brendan. It was first time seeing someone signing a whole new language - Irish Sign Language (ISL). Wait, what? Yes, that’s right - just like verbal language there are different sign language in each country. So many people think sign language is universal but it’s not! I was nervous about not understanding ISL and how to respond. Luckily our first interaction went well, it wasn’t hard to understand what he was saying since some signs were similar to American Sign Language. All sign languages are based on visual cues, I was able to pick up on what Brendan was saying to me - he was telling me about his job as Master Cutter and how long his co-workers had been employed at the Waterford Crystal Factory. I was able to learn some information about the Waterford Crystal Factory that I probably wouldn’t have known if not for meeting him. Whenever I go on tours and see hearing people have that accessibility to talk to people behind the scenes, it makes me sad that I don’t have that luxury due to language barriers. I was glad that I finally got that chance with Brendan. It was the highlight of my trip to Waterford Crystal Factory.

My Irish deaf friend, Brendan working at Waterford Crystal Factory.

Many people that I interacted with in Ireland were very accommodating when I asked for information. When I was in Kilkenny, Ireland I walked in to the Smithwick’s factory into their gift shop to ask the employee for directions. That chat turned into an hour and half long conversation. I was there well past closing! She didn’t rush, taking the time to google things on the internet and draw up a map with lists of places to see for the rest of the time I was in Ireland. I came across another two women who were like this that drew up a map with written lists or directions for me. The girl from Smithwick’s was very fascinated with my deafness, the chat was filled of questions regarding that along with my questions about the general culture in Ireland. She was college aged and told me that she never met a deaf person.

I got the impression that many people in Ireland aren’t as exposed to the deaf community/culture. The Irish population is the same size as Connecticut and Rhode Island combined, but with much more space. The life in Ireland is very rural, I would imagine it would be hard to interact with deaf people unless you were in the metropolitan city like Dublin. I stayed at several homes all over Ireland , some of the hosts were very curious about my deafness. Almost every interaction ended with people asking me how to sign a word (or few). I felt like I was treated as royalty just because of my deafness.

My deafness also helped me to overcome communication issues that happened in Ireland. There are some Irish (mostly in Northern) that spoke the Gaelic language. I was at a restaurant in County Cork when I came across an Irish male that spoke heavy Gaelic. Speaking English wasn’t successful so I was able to gesture with him. The gesturing was the most successful method for our communication. It was funny to be in this kind situation because usually I’m struggling to be understood!

In front of DeafHear, an agency that provides services to the deaf in Ireland.

The airport security was another story. I flew out of Dublin Airport every time. During one of my return trip back home to America, the Dublin Airport Security (DAS) were asking people in line security questions. When I approached them, they pulled me aside. They wanted to ask me the questions directly and have me to answer them directly. I was literally shaking in my boots! The officer went off to talk to his supervisor and came back with a laminated copy of questions. He pointed to the question one at a time and looked at me to have me to shake my head “yes” or “no”. There was only one question where I had to expand my reply so I verbally answered with gesturing which went smoothly. I got pulled aside at United States customs once because there was an outstanding warrant for someone with same name as me (lucky me!). During this questioning ordeal, they allowed my traveling partner to interpret. Looking back at these experience, I was clearly most comfortable having someone to interpret but I have to say that Dublin Airport Security did the right thing. They looked at me as an independent individual which is how most deaf people want to be treated. DAS wasn’t nervous at all to attempt the communication. I was impressed in the end with what they did despite the nervousness I felt in the moment.

It wasn’t a difficult experience traveling all over Ireland with my deafness because of the kindness there. The Irish are very welcoming to the tourists and they definitely had a lot pride for their home country. I hope that when I return to Ireland that I will meet more Irish deaf people to find out more about the community and culture in Ireland. I’m very curious to learn more about Irish deaf culture!

No Sound, No Problem: Experiencing a Concert from a Deaf POV

Happy March everyone!

I’m excited that it’s March because being Irish is one of my most favorite things about life - it’s always so much fun to celebrate my heritage (but I celebrate year round!). This year, Flogging Molly came to town! They started their ‘Life Is Good’ tour at Foxwoods Casino. I had the time of my life! It brought back so many memories for me.

Growing up in an Irish family, my dad was a fan of Flogging Molly so it rubbed off onto me. People always got curious when I said that I liked a specific musician or a band because of my hearing loss. During my middle and high school years, I would learn the lyrics to any songs so that’s how I knew who I “like”. I never thought to listen to them but I started to in college after realizing that I could feel the bass and vibrations of the music when I went to few concerts. I can’t hear the words while the music is being played.

I don’t go to concerts often so I’m still learning about what it’s like when I do go. I thought Flogging Molly would be playing all new songs from their new release which I haven’t got around to research the lyrics or play them. While I was sitting at the concert feeling the bass and vibrations, I found myself feeling deja vu. I felt a sense of familiarity in the music.

There were couple years during college when I was homesick so I commuted the 2 hours drive every weekend. This is when I would blast any music in the car since I was alone on open and bare highway. Flogging Molly was played the most often.

So sitting there at Flogging Molly concert brought back those memories and I was surprised that I could recognize feeling the bass and vibrations after years! I was able to identify the song ‘Drunken Lullabies’ when they played it at the concert.

People were surprised when they saw pictures on my social media of me at Flogging Molly. Probably wondered how is that possible for me? Even through I have my hearing loss, I still enjoy the concert in my own way. On top of feeling the bass and vibrations of the songs, I enjoy the visual aspects of the concerts such as lighting, watching them play on their instruments, etc. I also can feel the excitement of concert-goers. At Flogging Molly, I enjoyed being around so many Irish people who were decked out in newsboys caps, Irish t-shirts, and tweed. It created a fun environment for me.

This blog is not sponsored. All opinions in this blog are my own.

Lipreading: Where Every Sentence Is a Puzzle

The very first question that I get asked every time once someone finds out about my deafness is “can you lipread?” (and yes, they’re verbally asking me this). It’s a misconception that every deaf person knows how to lipread. It’s a skill that is learned. As mentioned in my background blog, I grew up in a mainstreamed setting so I learned how to lipread at a young age.

Lipreading is a difficult skill to learn. It varies on the level of hearing loss and preferred communication method - some deaf people may be experts but some may be lousy. Hearing people often think this is the best method of communication but it is not. I grew up in a mainstreamed setting so I use simultaneous communication - speech and sign language as my main method of communication with my family and friends. Signing is the easiest method of communication but I also use speech to help them understand me more since they don’t know EVERY word in sign language. I understand everything when they use sign language with me.

I lipread a little when I’m interacting with strangers in public like at the stores, appointments, etc. If I am aware of what the conversation will be about, I have the ability to lipread most of what is being said. For example, if I go into a coffee shop — I know they will be asking me what size cup, what kind of milk, do I want this added in the drink, etc. It throws me off if they started a conversation that is not topic-related. Often, I would panic and wonder “what are they saying?”. It will take me a few minutes to try and figure out what is being said.

Many people have asked me if it makes a difference if I’m in a one-on-one dialogue vs a group setting discussion. Either way, I am only able to catch a few words from the entire conversation. The benefit of having 1:1 conversation is that I am able to focus on one person and I can ask them to repeat if necessary. Forget it with a group setting! I never catch anything from multiple people talking and they don’t always directly look at me (which helps me to lipread). It is extremely difficult and most of the time I leave those groups wondering what the discussion was about.

One issue that I have faced while trying to lipread a stranger in a public setting is that they get annoyed with me when I ask them to repeat or gesture. They either give up or cut the conversation short. So many people do not realize that lipreading is a substantial task for deaf people. It really requires us to put in a LOT of effort. In the end, I always feel guilty for any miscommunication that happens which isn’t always my fault. I try to ask people to write since that is better than lipreading.

You wouldn’t believe the misunderstandings that can happen from attempting to lipread! When I’m in a dialogue with a stranger, I am likely to catch a few words so I play the whole “fill in the blank” game. There have been some assumptions where I was entirely wrong and made the situations very awkward!

How long does it take me to lipread a new person that may come in my life? I am almost always the only deaf person at my job. How do I communicate with my hearing co-workers? I do have to lipread most of them. It is always challenging when I work with new co-workers. It does help when I see them daily and practice lipreading them. It takes me about a month and a half (of seeing them daily) to be able to lipread the majority of what they are saying but I do still occasionally miss some words.

Many people also don’t realize there are things that can prevent me from lipreading! One time at work, we lost power so we were in complete darkness. A co-worker started talking to me but I couldn’t see their lips in the dark! There have been some men that I wasn’t able to lipread because of their mustaches or beards. I can’t read lips when they’re covered with facial hair. It can be very distracting to lipread when someone has objects in their teeth/mouth or any kind of deformity around their mouth.

Accents also prevent me to lipread since people pronounce their words differently. I’ve traveled to Ireland twice where I’ve met many friends. They all spoke English but pronounced their words differently so I wasn’t able to lipread. I have came across New Englanders with strong Boston accents, which again I can’t lipread. I wasn’t raised in Boston so I never learned their pronunciations.

In the end it’s best that you do not assume that all deaf people can lipread. Don’t be afraid to ask them what their preference method of communication is. Most of the time it will be writing on paper or gesturing. Of course it’s most helpful if you know sign language!

All opinions in this blog are my own.

Growing up Deaf

One of my hopes with this blog is to broaden the awareness of deafness. I will be sharing what it's like being deaf. All opinions and experiences in this blog are my own, it does not reflect the opinions or experiences of other deaf people.

Throughout my life I have met many people curious about my deafness, most often these are people who have never know a deaf person or who have had only limited exposure to the deaf community. I encourage people to ask me questions, because I want to bring awareness of deafness into main stream culture. I hope you can learn from me and feel free to email me your inquiring questions! 

Let's start with the background of my deafness. I was born with profound hearing loss with no history of deafness in the family. My parents, brother, grandparents, and relatives are hearing. I use simultaneous communication (sim-com) with sign language and spoken English as my main communication method.

I was born in New Jersey so I lived there for the first few years of my life. When I was 6 months old, my parents noticed that I was not responding to sounds so they brought me to a doctor. The doctor stood adjacent to me and clapped his hands. Naturally I reacted by looking at him, he said “nope, she’s fine.” My parents brought me home with doubts in the back of their minds. When I was 9 months old, we visited family in Upstate New York. This is when they expressed the concerns to my aunt who was a college student majoring in speech therapy. My aunt scheduled a hearing test which this is where my parents were told that I am deaf. The people who did the testing did not want to commit to the level of my hearing loss so they suggested my parents schedule a testing with audiologist. My parents took me to an audiologist in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The audiologist confirmed my hearing loss but said the hearing loss was only moderate. I was fitted with hearing aids that suited that level.

My parents began to research schools for me to attend, two schools came highly recommended: Helen Beebe Speech and Hearing Center in Easton, PA and Summit Speech School in New Providence, NJ. Both of these had focuses on auditory/oral education. It was decided that I would go to Summit Speech School since it was 45 minutes closer to my home. I went there three times a week for 1:1 sessions. The staff worked with me to pronounce sounds.

While I attended Summit Speech School, they had suspicions that my hearing loss was greater than what my parents were told. They recommended to get another hearing test. My parents took me to Beth Israel Medical Center in Newark, NJ. It was discovered then that I had profound hearing loss! I was fitted with another hearing aid that was suited better for profound hearing loss.

My parents and I moved to Upstate New York to be closer to family. My parents felt the stress and uncertainty of raising a deaf child so they wanted the support of the family. I went from Summit Speech School in NJ to a program at Elmira College. The only difference was that Elmira College used “total communication” - usage of both spoken English and sign language. This is when I learned sign language. My parents had hesitancy about me using sign language because Summit Speech School told them that it was bad! Fortunately, I never dropped the speech part. My parents started taking sign language classes shortly after so they can communicate with me.

I grew up the majority of my life in Upstate New York. I attended a mainstreamed school. I was the only deaf student with no pre-existing conditions. I had a support team that consisted of a Teacher of the Deaf, interpreter, and a note taker. A deaf community was nonexistence during my childhood because all of my peers attended school for the deaf 2 hours from my home. Before you ask why didn’t I go to the deaf school too… I promise a future blog post about it.

After high school graduation I attended the deaf college, National Technical Institute for the Deaf (NTID), at Rochester Institute of Technology in Rochester, NY. This is when I finally was able to be a part of the deaf community. Those years in Rochester probably were the most challenging time in my life discovering myself as a deaf individual. It taught me a lot about finding my place in this world.