Why I Chose Not to Get Cochlear Implants

Cochlear implants. A taboo word in the deaf world.

For those who aren’t familiar with what cochlear implants are - it’s an electronic device installed under the skin behind the ears. It consists of many parts to help transmit sounds to the outer device (it looks similar to hearing aids). This process requires surgery which is usually done in the same day or overnight. It is a common misconception that cochlear implants would cure deafness. It does not. The cochlear implants are another aid for deaf people to be able to hear some sounds and speech. After surgery, they have to go through intensive therapy on speech and learn the sounds.

So many people describe cochlear implants as a “medical miracle” but yet dumbfounded when they come across deaf people who turned it down. It is a controversial topic in the deaf community. There are some deaf people who are against it because they feel that it oppresses them so they actually frown upon the deaf people who do get cochlear implants. Most often the deaf people with cochlear implants feel rejected from the deaf community.

I learned about this controversy when I attended college. I went to Rochester Institute of Technology (RIT) which had many colleges including National Technical Institute for the Deaf (NTID). This is the reason for the large deaf community in Rochester, New York. I observed many sub groups within the deaf community at RIT. There was the “deaf pride” group who were raised by deaf parents, attended deaf institutes, fully emerged into the deaf culture. There were the “mainstreamed” folks who were raised in a hearing world but immersed some deaf culture in their lives such as using sign language. There was the “oral” group which often applied to those with cochlear implants; they often didn’t use sign language but relied on lipreading and talking. It was interesting to learn about from all kinds of D/deaf lives.

Those who are against cochlear implants don’t see their deafness as something that needs to be fixed. They use examples of successful deaf people out there in the world - famous actors/actresses, artists, athletes, and even musicians proving that there are many who are satisfied with being deaf. It’s often explained that deaf people can do everything but hear. Another reason why the fear of cochlear implants is impacting the deaf culture is the belief that if technology continues to be used to help deaf people then sign language/deaf culture would decline.

Most deaf children are born to hearing parents. It is common for doctors to push cochlear implants. With the hearing parents’ initial shock once finding out their child is diagnosed with deafness, it can provide a false sense of hope that they will be cured with cochlear implants.

During college I met so many deaf people who received cochlear implants at a young age and were no longer using it. When I asked them for their reasons, the common replies were (1) that they weren’t happy with their parents’ decision (2) it causes a lot of headaches or (3) did not see a benefit in using them/were not a successful tool for them. Those that I did know that actively used cochlear implants were the ones who decided later on in their teens/young adult years. Again, that does not apply to everyone but it was an observation I had from my college years.

So what is my opinion on cochlear implants?

My parents heard about them when I was 8 years old. They met with someone to discuss the whole process of getting cochlear implants for me. At the time, it was determined that I was not a viable candidate for cochlear implants because the company who manufactured them was very new. The technology at the time also was not advanced for my level of hearing loss (profound loss). The company was specifically targeting senior citizens who lost their hearing or late deafened people.

The technology advanced over years so cochlear implants were a possibility for me again. I was asked in my high school years if I would consider getting them. I let the fear of being in surgery prevent me from making a decision.

When I went to college, I had many friends who had cochlear implants so I was able to learn more about them. As I mentioned before, some friends described they received more headaches which I did not want. The implants also would take away any residual hearing, which I have a tiny bit of, that I wanted to hang onto! Another turn off for me was having to get the cochlear implants updated every few years so that meant going in for a few surgeries throughout my life. I still have a fear of being in any kind of surgery so that wasn’t appealing to me!

I am not against cochlear implants. I support people who want them. I have seen where it is successful for some people while it wasn’t for some other people. The key in my final decision was that I am comfortable with being deaf. I like my silence. I don’t like major changes. I couldn’t imagine going from my silent world to a world with sounds. I’ve had so many people who couldn’t understand how I would pass up on them when they could be a huge asset. The results of cochlear implants aren’t same for everyone so there is no way of knowing how successful it would be for me. It wasn’t enough of a risk for me to take because it took a long time for me to love myself as a deaf individual.

All opinion in this blog are my own. It does not reflect the opinions of other deaf members.

Catholic Church + Deaf Accessibility

With Easter last Sunday, I have been thinking about my childhood memories of going to the church and the traditional Easter gatherings with my family. I grew up Catholic, even attended Sunday school up until 4th grade. 

On Instagram, I saw a post sharing that only 2% of Deaf people know Jesus Christ. There are approximately 400+ million of Deaf people worldwide. Honestly, that post didn’t surprise me. It took me back down memory lane of growing up in the Catholic Church and the accessibility issues that I had. 

My mom was the sole interpreter for the Church masses. Of course, she would be standing next to me, and she couldn’t interpret EVERY single word.  Adding to this we were seated in the back and not all of the speakers were clearly for people sitting that far away. I also have to be transparent, I was a child/teen at same time so yes, there were times when I didn’t always listen out of boredom. 

St. Patrick’s Church - Dublin, Ireland - 2015.

Sunday school was a hour long of religious education based on grade levels. I was among peers my age/grade. I remember every morning we all started school by standing in the lobby reciting ‘The Lord’s Prayer’. The only memory I have from this, is how I would use this time to people-watch. I had a volunteer interpreter who helped me out in the classroom. I recall that she knew some basic ASL but she wasn’t certified. We had our own corner of the table, while other kids sat in groups. I attended for a few years and don’t recall any friends that I made, likely because I was isolated in the corner. I don’t have a clear memory of why I stopped attending, but I believe that my parents saw that I wasn’t getting an education out of Sunday school. 

I also stopped attending church weekly (we went every Sunday). I only went for special occasions such as Easter, Christmas, Mother’s Day, etc. It didn’t bother me that I was missing out, I was actually relieved. That continued through my college years until the last year. I got curious and tried to find a Catholic Church in Rochester, NY that would have an interpreter. Rochester, NY is home of the largest Deaf community. I couldn’t find any, or maybe I wasn’t looking in the right places. I had a close friend who was going to a Baptist church she brought me to some events. I met other Deaf Christians. I went to a Bible meeting, it was conducted in ASL. They discussed, shared thoughts, prayed, etc. I went to a few masses where they had an interpreter for the Deaf section (approximately 20 people). The church even had a blow up screen that was focused on the interpreter for people in the back to see. It was very accessible. As much I wanted to have that, I didn’t have connection with the Baptist beliefs as I was Catholic. 

I didn’t look into the church again until I moved to Connecticut. One year I was thinking about how I wish I had a better understanding of the religion that I was raised in. Especially more so with having kids in the future. I thought long and hard how my future kids would learn about being Catholic when I wasn’t confident in knowing the religion that well myself. I decided to email several of local Catholic Churches around the area asking if they were willing to hire interpreters. I received ZERO replies. 

Kylemore Abbey - Connemara, Ireland - 2017.

After a while, I felt desperate. I emailed them again and asked if they had any parishioners who knew ASL and would volunteer their time to help me during the masses. Again, ZERO replies. I contacted two different Dioceses (a region of Catholic Churches that is ran under a bishop). There was a church locally in Norwich/Preston (20-25 minutes away) that had an interpreter right before I moved to the area. Unfortunately, they didn’t have enough Deaf participants to keep the interpreter. They were nice enough to email other Dioceses and tried to find a solution for me. 

A few years later, I found a couple of Roman Catholic Churches with interpreted masses that were in Providence, Rhode Island which would be a hour and half commute from where I lived. I didn’t feel committed to making that drive weekly. Especially if I was alone. I dropped the ball on this as I didn’t see it as a priority. 

During the pandemic, what a game changer! I was able to live stream masses, there was even a Deaf priest in Boston, MA. I was amazed to watch several masses where the ENTIRE THING WAS IN SIGN LANGUAGE. I didn’t think I’d find a Deaf priest as I had been focused on interpreted masses. It was really cool to watch that. I was so excited about finding this access and I finally was learning a bit. Unfortunately, the live streaming didn’t last long as they returned to in-person masses. I was really disappointed.

Black Abbey - Kilkenny, Ireland - 2015.

I am also interfaith and to learn more about the other religion, I attended some of the Deaf Hillel club events in college. The Rabbi who ran the Deaf Hillel was fluent in ASL so all events were signed in ASL. I recall my first Passover dinner where everyone signed. I learned so much about Passover and its meaning because the Rabbi signed the entire time. I felt guilt sometimes because I felt like I knew a LOT about the Jewish religion more than Catholic. All it took was having accessibility!

It’s always frustrating to have limited accessibility. It also doesn’t help when the religion itself is so complex. Even within the same religion, people have different beliefs and ideologists. There are so MANY types of religion, yet ZERO access for us. Many Deaf people don’t know religion. I felt like it was something important because a huge part of my childhood revolved around growing up in the Catholic Church. 

It took a long time for me to stop feeling guilty for something that is out of my control (lack of accessibility). I had been so focused on finding the accessibility that I forgot to spiritually connect in my own time. There had been few years when I didn’t feel like I was Catholic. I realized that I don’t need to be in a church to proof that I’m Catholic. I’ll continue to believe in what I know already and spiritually connect in my own way. Hopefully someday I can walk in a Catholic Church and have the accessibility provided as it should be for everyone. 

St. Mary’s Cathedral - Killarney, Ireland - 2015

Mystic Deaf History

Did you know that Mystic, Connecticut has some deaf history?!

I never knew this until a few years of living here. I bumped into some older Deaf adults who all told me about their former deaf school… which happened to be right here in Mystic. It used to be The Whipple Home School which established in Ledyard, Connecticut then moved a few miles away, in order to expand to Mystic. 

Mystic Oral School.

First some history tidbits. In 1869, Whipple Home School was built in Ledyard, Connecticut (formerly known as Quakertown) by the grandson of Jonathan Whipple who successfully taught his deaf son, Enoch how to lip read and speak. Zerah Whipple, the grandson, wanted to continue the success of teaching oralism to other deaf students. The first student to come to the school was a 12 Y/O boy from a rich family in Delaware, a few years later he completed his education with great lipreading and speaking skills. Zerah began to receive more students and was getting crammed in the farmhouse so he bought Silas Burrows, a retired sea captain's mansion in Mystic on a hilltop overlooking the Mystic River.

The mansion that perched on 77+ acres was reformed into a residential school where deaf students lived while they attended school. The main focus was lipreading and speaking, no usage of sign language. They continued the oralism method. There was another deaf institute a hour away in Hartford, Connecticut which is known as American School for the Deaf today. It was known as the “sign school in Hartford” during the 1900’s. All students who attended the ‘signing school’ had a free education; however, there was an admission cost to attend Whipple’s school in Mystic.

Many families were impressed with the oralism method since it made the deaf people be more immersed in the hearing world. More families wanted their deaf kids to attend the school but Whipple did not have enough funds. In July 1872, Zerah Whipple got state aid to allow more students to attend. The Whipple Home School was given over to the state of Connecticut causing the name change to the Mystic Oral School (again later changed to Mystic Educational Center). Mystic Oral School faced chronic financial troubles and challenges with the oralism method (which declined over the years) but survived at least for 108 years.

Mystic Oral School shut down in 1980 after funds ran out. In that last year, the state tried to bring ‘mentally retarded’ (please read the disclaimer about this terminology) students to the school. The admission numbers of students attending Mystic Oral School had declined so they were looking to fill up space at the school. The Department of Mental Retardation had a waiting list of 170 students, the school had space for 55 students. Many parents of the deaf argued against this idea with their lawyers, stating that mixing deaf students with these students give credence to the stereotype of ‘deaf and dumb’. As a result, 5-4 opposed this idea. 

DISCLAIMER: While I do understand the use of terminology is not encouraged in the present day. It was the terminology used back in 1979 and was the actual name of the Department. 

A year later it was closed permanently. The town of Groton used the space for their Park & Recreation programs until 2011. The school had been abandoned since then. It has been in long need of renovation to preserve the historical site. 

In November 2019, Respler Homes LLC purchased the land. Their plans showed their vision of turning the oral school into a ‘mixed use village’ named Mystic River Bluffs. The village consisted of luxury apartments, restaurant, office spaces, coffee shop, market, etc. The project became controversial in the community. You might’ve seen the red lawn signs that stated ‘Restrict the MOS Development’ pop up around the area. The signs came from the group Mystic Oral School Advocates (MOSA). MOSA is a group of citizens to express concerns about the project. Their main concern is that the sizing of the project was too large that it needed to be scaled back or eliminated, they also focused on zoning changes that would not harm the neighborhood/rural nature. 

After 10 years of MOS being abandoned, the property unfortunately degraded overtime and was vandalized. In early 2021, I was filming a quick video in front of the school explaining the Deaf history of MOS when a re-development team leader from Respler Homes LLC was checking the property. We engaged in a conversation and we had a dialogue about the future of MOS. He offered to show me the inside of the school, I was thrilled to see some of the history! 

Walking around the interiors gave me a mixed feeling. I was so amazed by the history, seeing the old classrooms, main office/lobby, dorms, staff quarters, cafeteria and old performing stage. Yet on the other hand, I was saddened by the vandalism (graffiti, broken windows, wallpapers torn down). Some of it was from state testing from hazardous materials but mostly from vandalism. The property definitely had a long way to go! 

After a long year of going back and forth to move ahead with the project, it has stalled. The future for MOS is unknown at this time. I hope with the right people and with plans that works for the community life will be brought back into the beautiful historical site! 

Perched on a hilltop overlooking Mystic River (look closely thru the branches, that’s the water!)

The former infirmary. CORRECTION 1/27/21 this is the former house of the Superintendent.

The old gym/pool.

Inside tour: the former cafeteria.

The staircase.

Old classrooms (the walls had to be demolished so only the framing is left).

Another old classroom.

Old classroom. Did you notice the ceiling fan melted from the heat?!

Hallway between Pre-K section of the school and staff quarters.

One of the rooms in the staff quarters. The night shift staff lived in those rooms during the day.

Old performing stage.

Outside courtyard near the former cafeteria.

Exterior of the school.

Former entrance to the dorms.

Loved the ship weathervane!

Mystic has a ‘sign name’ representing the oral school history. If you look up the sign for “oral”, it will make sense. The letter Y was picked from Mystic to place on chin as shown in the photo below to be the sign name for Mystic. See more videos on Instagram here.

Showing the sign name for MYSTIC. It is close to the sign for “oral”.

Historical information was learned from several library books.

All opinions in this blog are my own.

Book Review: Signs of Survival

International Holocaust Remembrance Day occurs on January 27th every year to commemorate the Holocaust victims. January 27th was the day Auschwitz was liberated. 

I had many books related to Holocaust/WWII on my To-Read list. I thought I’d read some stories for this month in honor of the Holocaust Remembrance Day, along with a new released book. Just released on January 4th, Signs of Survival wrote by Renee Hartman with Joshua M. Greene is a memoir of the Holocaust. Renee is a survivor, with her deaf sister. The book focused on their experiences as Jews living during the war and the camp. 

Signs of Survival is a children’s book for age 8-12, so it had 128 pages. I read the entire book in one hour. It was an easy read and kept me me drawn to their stories. It is a very raw and powerful read. This book is a transcribed compilation of video interviews that Renee did for Yale’s Holocaust testimonies archive. The book does alternates between Renee and her deaf sister, Herta. 

There aren’t too many stories including deaf people during the Holocaust so that was why I picked up this book. I only wish that Renee and Herta could share more of their experiences as this short book was very impactful and powerful. I could feel the strong sisterly bond between them that preserved them through the hard times at the camp. 

I had no idea that Renee resided in New Haven, CT so this has a New England connection too. As I mentioned, she had shared this similar story in a video interview for Yale. I was able to find it via Google and watch it. I have appreciation for her sharing her story. It is tough. 

This book comes highly recommended, as I said there aren’t too many stories out there related to Holocaust with deafness or other disabilities. I am grateful that Renee and Herta shared their perspectives with us. Their stories will stay in my heart! 

A Local’s Love Letter to Pennywise in Mystic

As I looked back at my past Christmas memories, I had a realization. For the last 5 years, my Christmas outfits came from Pennywise in Mystic, CT. Pennywise is a high quality consignment store that had been around since 1988. Owned by mother and daughter, they sell women’s clothing, accessories and shoes as well men’s clothing. 

Pennywise shop.

When I moved to Connecticut a decade ago, I discovered their shop that was on Cottrell Street (now Mystic Knotwork). I shopped there several times then they closed that shop and moved everything over to the Greenmanville shop across from Mystic Seaport. I shopped there even more when I hit the Lilly Pulitzer phase for a few years. 

Shopping for Kentucky Derby dress in 2016.

Pennywise sells many great quality and popular brands. They are selective about the brands, as not all will be accepted to be sold in the store. A few of brands I frequent are JCrew, Vineyard Vines, LOFT and Levi’s. Other brands I’ve seen: Madewell, Anthropologie, Banana Republic, Ralph Lauren, Gap and many more. Sometimes the clothing are still brand new with the original tags attached. 

The shop is very well organized. It can be overwhelming but it’s easy enough to navigate through. It’s a two story building with mostly women’s clothing and accessories on the first floor. More women’s clothing and men’s clothing are upstairs. Every time I pop in to shop, I check their color sticker sale of the day. For example: red tags are 25% off - if you find a clothing item with a red sticker tag then it is 25% off. They always have two colors each day that are discounted. 

Loved this red Vineyard Vines sweater!

The prices are reasonable for the designer brands and very affordable for other brands! They really do a great job selecting which clothes they consign - you won’t find any with stains, holes, or weird smell! I’ve always been apprehensive about shopping in thrift stores - secondhand never appealed to me. Pennywise has changed my stance on that but it is the only consignment store I will shop at! 

The customer service is always top notch. As I mentioned, it is owned by mother and daughter team. At least one of them is always there each time I popped in. They have always been helpful in locating items I am looking for or for finding things I would want. One time I passed by the shop and spotted a cute coat on the mannequin outside of the shop. I did a U-turn and popped in to ask what size/price it was. I felt bad about making her do all the work taking it off, I was really hoping it was my size… luckily it was! Even better that it was a great price! Hooray! 

The coat I literally bought off the mannequin! (the brown sweater is also from Pennywise).

A few years after shopping there, I decided to consign my clothes. The system is very effective and easy. I brought in my clothes and they will take 5-10 minutes to sort through and take what will sell in the shop. The clothes will stay on the floor for 6-8 weeks and the unsold will be donated to a charity. A win-win to make a little money and have it donated to appropriate places! The shop keeps 50% of the profits, the consigners will get the other 50%. It’s the best percentage I’ve seen compared to other consignment stores. Also, if you made money - you can request a check on the spot. Otherwise it will stay in the system as store credit which you can use if you buy things. 

Time definitely had flew by, it’s hard to believe that I have been shopping at this shop for 10 years now. Does anyone remember Steve the cat? I miss my buddy! He was the shop cat who lived there and would rub up against my leg while I was shopping or he would be napping on the counter. He lived a long life and passed away a few years ago. It’s not the same to pop in there without Steve’s greeting. 

Be sure to visit this shop, they have a wide variety of brands and prices for everyone! You will guarantee find something to buy! I love that I unexpectedly made it a Christmas tradition to buy my outfit from there each year. It’s something I’ll have to continue! 

Pennywise is located at 22 Greenmanville Ave, across from Mystic Seaport and half mile away from downtown Mystic. If you aren’t local… don’t fret. They started selling online and offer free shipping over $100+. Website can be found here. Happy shopping! 

JCrew button up shirt.

LOFT sweater.

Talbots sweater.

JCrew cashmere brown top.

Interpreters

The topic of interpreters… I’ve put this off for a while, after receiving some questions. So here I am, addressing some questions!

First of all, interpreters can be quite the discussion! We could talk all day long so I’ll keep it short for this blog. I have a strong appreciation for them as they help to facilitate communication between both worlds. Without them, it wouldn’t be possible for me to get the information or get my words across. They work hard interpreting for hours at times, with the constant signing (I can’t even write for hours without my hands cramping!). Interpreters also don’t come without some challenges. As the costs of hiring them can be daunting for some businesses/offices resulting in hiring non certified interpreters.

How do I know if my interpreter is certified? Most of time I can look up the registry database online. When I have medical appointments, I do not know who they call so it was common for me to go to my appointments not knowing if I will have a certified interpreter. I am stuck with whatever interpreter that is there that day. I often ask which agency they worked for to keep in mind if I want to request the same individual again.

Why is a certified interpreter important? It’s highly preferred as they completed a program and passed exams. No difference from you preferring a certified contractor to fix your broken porch over a self-taught contractor. This is an issue because most places will not hire a certified interpreter due to higher costs. If you’re certified, the more pay, right? As a result sometimes we end up with a lower caliber interpreter.

Have you seen two interpreters at the same time at an event, or sometimes there’s only one… and wondered why is that? The more interpreters you have, the better quality of information being interpreted. After 20 minutes, the quality of signing usually decreases. So if there’s a second person, that will allow them the rest they need. It is common for them to switch every 20 minutes to keep more accurate translation. I also like it when the resting interpreter sits, still pays attention to what is being said and adds whatever the interpreter forgot to translate. They definitely help to keep each other in check!

People don’t always realize that even with the interpreters translating for me, it’s not always my voice. Wait… what? Imagine this… you know the telephone/grapevine game? Where you have a group of 6 people… you tell one person at a time a sentence then it jumbles somewhere through the game and the last person says something completely different? Sometimes that’s what happens with interpreting. This leads to another question I’ve got… do I trust them? Sometimes. As much as I appreciate them being that bridge between both worlds, it is hard to put all of me in. I constantly am lip reading them to make sure they are repeating what I say.

With that, has there been any embarrassing moments? Yes, several. The most recent memory I have is at a doctor’s appointment after having a sore throat for a week. I was sharing my sore throat remedies I had been doing at home. I said that I’m constantly eating cough drops. The interpreter translated “I’m constantly eating ice cream”. The doctor smiled at me and I saw my family member speak up. We laugh about it now, but imagine if that person hadn’t been there!

I’ve shared that I’m not thrilled with the skill of interpreters in my area as I live in an area of few deaf people. The majority of interpreters are in metropolis cities an hour away. I’ve had my family member interpreting for me at all of my medical appointments for the last few years now. I know it’s not technically the right thing but I just had enough of the bad experiences. It’s hard because I know my decision of not requesting interpreters is not helping to educate the doctors and medical offices that they are supposed to provide me one. It’s also not fair that my family member is doing it for free too.

I don’t always love having my ‘words’ translated by someone else, but it’s the only way I can be a contributing member of the community. Well, the other option would be everyone knowing sign language… but not realistic! I also don’t like that people aren’t really getting to know me. They’re hearing my words through someone else’s voice. I even got that comment when I started this blog, how some were realizing and learning about MY VOICE. Imagine having your mom, spouse, brother or a stranger say everything you want. It doesn’t always match.

I’ve had interpreters since I was in elementary school. I was in a special education classroom with a teacher that signed but I still had an interpreter that came with me to my mainstreamed classes in the afternoons. When I transferred schools, I had one same interpreter with me all day long. She worked so hard to convey information and share my words. There was a misconception that she was my mom! Many classmates thought that. I noticed that it is a common misconception with permanent interpreters.

When I moved to Rochester, NY … home of one of the largest deaf communities, there were a boatload of interpreters compared to my rural hometown. Interpreters were not as much of an issue but it doesn’t mean that I still ran across some ‘bad’ ones but it was rare. I miss the quality of interpreters in Rochester all the time! I constantly had different interpreters for every class in college, always had two for each class. I saw the difference in having a team vs being solo. It made me appreciate my high school interpreter even more for her hard work!

The topic of interpreters could be discussed more in depth, both positivity and negatively. Despite the bad/challenges, they are a huge help! I get excited when I see an interpreter on TV for press briefings, at a concert, or anywhere really! I appreciate their effort in helping my community to be inclusive.

Christmas in Crystal City

There’s a magical Christmas spirit in Upstate New York in the Most Fun Small Town in America… Corning! It’s the next town over from the hometown where I grew up, so I spent a lot of time in Corning, especially during Christmas. 

The glass tree at Corning Museum of Glass.

The historical Market Street (downtown) is gorgeous with beautiful brick buildings. The Center Square is where the clock tower is, it’s where you will find the Christmas tree and gazebo to visit Santa Claus. It’s always so magical during the holiday season, like a winter wonderland.

The tree in Center Square.

Center Square.

It’s easy to see why Corning was named one of best town to experience at Christmas! 

The Rockwell Museum hosts their annual Gingerbread Invitational. I attended my first event in 2021. I was so excited to see some of gingerbread creations! I particularly loved the one of Corning Inc building with NOEL spelled out in lights. For those who aren’t local, there is a 9-stories tall building visible from NYS Route 17 highway that has the word ‘NOEL’ lighted up every night during the holiday season. It was a fond memory so I loved seeing that gingerbread replica of it! There were also replica of Corning’s Little Joe and Clock Tower as well a couple of the waterfalls in Finger Lakes region. 

Gingerbread version of Taughannock Falls (Ithaca, NY).

Gingerbread version of Corning Inc.’s NOEL tradition.

It’s fun to be a tourist in your hometown. I brought combo tickets to visit both museums in Corning. The first stop was at The Rockwell Museum, a Smithsonian affiliate museum with collections of Western art and Native American art. When I moved to the New England region and mention this museum, everyone assumed it was about Norman Rockwell, but it’s not! The fine art collections at Rockwell is impressive and it’s nice to take a slow paced stroll around to enjoy the artwork. Be sure to check out the gift shop, which had some local Corning souvenirs. 

The Rockwell Museum in a snow globe!

After The Rockwell Museum, I went over to Corning Museum of Glass (CMOG). That’s where you will see the largest collection of art glass in the world! I grew up going to CMOG every year on field trips for school. After going off to college, I grew more appreciation for CMOG, and what it has to offer. Every time I visit the museum, it’s always a must to see a live show of their glass blowing demonstrations. That’s something I’ll never get sick of watching. The museum has many sections, so be sure to plan at least 3-4 hours for a visit. If that’s too much, no worries… the tickets are valid for two consecutive days if you want to break it up. 

Corning Museum of Glass.

Close up of the glass balls on the tree.

Glassblowing demo.

The CMOG gift shop is very impressive as well. I almost always do some holiday shopping there every year! Also, I look forward to seeing the beautiful glass tree during the holiday season. It’s located in the main lobby of CMOG. My family takes an annual photo with the glass tree! Another fun activity at CMOG is to make your own glass. One year, my mom and I made glass snowmen. A few options includes an ornament, tree, mezuzah and many more. It’s highly suggested to buy advanced tickets as the limited spots often sells out! 

Got some holiday shopping done!

I was particularly excited when the show ‘Blown Away’ was added on Netflix. A Canadian based reality show about glassblowing competition, with the grand prize of a year residency at CMOG. The glassblowing demonstration at the museum is only 15-20 minutes long but watching this series is even longer! It’s just so fascinating to watch glassblowing. Last week, while at CMOG I saw some art pieces from the show which it was cool to see in-person. I highly recommend you watch this show.
The Gaffer District (downtown Corning) has so much to offer with all of the local shops, businesses, restaurants and more. I love to take a stroll through downtown year-round but especially at Christmas when Market Street is all decorated.

My plates, bowls and baking dishes are all Corningware, a piece of home with me always! There are several antiques shops on Market Street where you can find some vintage Corningware or Corelle pieces.

There are plenty choices of where to eat in the Gaffer District. My most favorite is Atlas Brick Oven Pizzeria, I’ve always stopped here every time. Their gourmet pizzas are just out of the world! Aniello’s Pizzeria is another popular locals favorite pizza joint on Market Street. The locals argue about who is the best — Atlas or Aniello’s. My family was divided so I grew up going to Aniello’s too, it is really delicious and the best spot for a quick slice to grab! 

Atlas Brick Oven Pizzeria.

I’ll always suggest that people visit this beautiful historical small town! It’s not a far drive from New England region for a long weekend getaway!

A firetruck passes by the tree in Center Square.

CMOG had a glass Hanukkah display too!

Market Street at night.

Deaf Movies/TV series

It’s binge watching season! With the colder weather here, we’re starting to stay indoors more. Ever since the blog I wrote about the movie ‘CODA’ last summer, many have asked if there were more Deaf movies/TV shows. I’m finally here to give you the scoop!

---

Deaf movies to watch:

Children of a Lesser God (1986)

This is probably the most well known deaf movie. Marlee Matlin, a deaf actress, won the Academy Award for her role. It is about a new speech teacher who fell in love with a deaf janitor while working at a deaf institute. He pursues her to use her voice/learn speech as she wasn’t verbal. This is a good movie, but really focuses on speech/oral aspect of deafness. It’s also ‘based’ in New England (but actually was filmed in Canada)!

Sound of Metal (2019)

A powerful movie! It follows the journey of a rock band drummer who lost his hearing. It showed how he was in a hurry to find a quick ‘fix’ or cure. While he was re-adjusting to his life without hearing, he was immersed in a small deaf community in which he learned about the deaf culture. I thought this movie was perfect for people who are stuck in both worlds! I also loved how the deafness was portrayed as a culture, not a physical disability in the movie.

Audible (2021) Netflix

This short 40 minutes documentary focuses on a deaf football player at Maryland School for the Deaf. It shows clips of his life as an athlete, a friend who lost someone to suicide and being a teenager. It also interviewed some other deaf people. The documentary captured a lot of moments showing what it feel like to be immersed in the deaf world. 

…and Your Name is Jonah (1979)

The deaf boy had been misdiagnosed so he was institutionalized with intellectually disabled. It shows the journey of the deaf boy adjusting to living with his family. This movie is a great example of language deprivation.

The Hammer (2010)

A biography/drama/sports movie about Matt Hamill, the first deaf wrestler to win a NCAA. It followed his youth years in Ohio, discovering wrestling then his success during college. I was particularly excited when this was released back in 2011 because he is a RIT (Rochester Institute of Technology) alumni. Go Tigers! I really enjoyed this movie, which had many deaf actors/actresses! The movie also was filmed through out Rochester, NY. It is one of my favorite deaf movies.

A Quiet Place (2018)

A horror/sci-fic movie about a family living in silence to hide from monsters with ultra-sensitive hearing. One of the family member is a deaf girl so the entire family uses sign language to communicate. Horror/Sci-Fic is NOT my genre at all, but I had to watch this movie. I felt like it was more suspenseful thriller but enjoyed it a lot! The girl is played by a deaf actress, Millicent Simmonds. Also, A Quiet Place II was released this year, but I haven’t seen it yet!  

Sound and Fury (2000)

A wonderful documentary showing the controversial of cochlear implants. It shows the conflict of deaf identity and struggling to belong. Definitely worthwhile to watch!

Sweet Nothing in my Ear (2008)

Another movie about cochlear implants. It is a family drama about a hearing man and his deaf wife (played by Marlee Matlin) who are conflicted on whether their deaf son should get the cochlear implants. This showed all sides/opinions. 

Born to be Wild (1995)

This may not be classified as a ‘deaf movie’ but sign language is included. It’s a kid-friendly movie of a gorilla learning sign language to communicate. The gorilla develops a relationship with a rebel teenager and they communicate using ASL. It is a cute and heartwarming movie!

Listen to Your Heart (2010)

One of my favorites! Ironically it is music-based movie which I try to avoid. A singer fell in love with a deaf girl, but the love inspires him to write music. It is a romantic drama movie, but it shows that nothing is impossible! 

---

If you want to binge on TV series. There are some recommendations: 

Deaf U (2020) Netflix

A reality series following several deaf students at Gallaudet University in Washington DC. I felt like I was watching ‘Real World’ on MTV but with deaf college students! I do have to warn, this series is unfiltered. 

Switched at Birth (2011-2017)

A drama series starting out with a hearing girl who found out that she was accidentally switched when she was a baby. She meets the other baby that she was switched with, which was a deaf girl. They both immersed into each other’s lives. A lot of deaf culture and aspects are portrayed in the show. A fun and worthwhile series to binge!  

Deaf Out Loud (2018)

Only 1 season, this documentary follows around three deaf families. I am so, so, so sad that more seasons were not signed for this show. I loved it! It showed a variety of deaf identities, how all deaf people aren’t the same and different opinions. If you want a glimpse of true deaf world, this is the show to watch. Also, one of the deaf families is based in Connecticut! 

Sue Thomas FB Eye (2002-2005)

A police-drama TV series following a deaf FBI agent who works in fingerprinting. Another agent noticed her lip reading skills promoting her to an elite surveillance team. This is inspired by Sue Thomas, a deaf woman who works for FBI so this show is loosely based on her life. 

---

There are many more that I haven’t seen yet. I have a long list of movies to watch! Hope you enjoy some of those and let me know what you think! 

Alexander Graham Bell and the Deaf community

Book Review of The Invention of Miracles: Language, power and Alexander Graham Bell’s Quest to end Deafness by Katie Booth. This book had made a great impact on me enough that it earned its own post. Here are my thoughts:

This book was such a powerful read about a controversial person in the deaf community, Alexander Graham Bell. I didn’t know about the release of this book back in April 2021, but had spotted it in the bookstore. Only because the cover had “The Quest to end Deafness” on it grabbing my interest. I knew of Bell, learned that his name was an adversary in the deaf community while I was at college. Many of you only know him as the inventor of telephone but he also had worked as a teacher for the deaf.

I picked up the book and read the prologue. Right away, I was drawn into it with the author growing up with deaf grandparents whose lives had been impacted by Bell’s oralism. The local library finally had this book available so I read it and boy, was I glued to EVERY page! I had figured that I’d be skimming through some parts since it had explained Bell’s invention of the telephone. I’m not the one for science, but the author did an amazing job of explaining.

The book was very complicated. Like I mentioned, I only knew that Bell wasn’t liked in the deaf community but never really knew the depth of where it stemmed from. I knew he pushed for oralism. The book is 400+ pages long, divided into 3 parts. The first two was about Bell’s romance with his (deaf!) wife, his invention and brief stories about his work with the deaf. The last part focused greatly on the deaf.

At first, I respected his hard work for inventing the telephone. He was a smart man. Later on, when I read about his time with educating the deaf on how to speak… my mind frame of Bell shifted quickly. He advocated greatly for the oralism method, wanting sign language and deafness to be eliminated. It was his goal to teach the deaf people to forget that they are deaf.

There were several excerpts from the book that parallel so much to today’s world. I didn’t realize that even in the 1880’s that deaf people were being asked “did you ever try to learn to hear by the motions of the lips?” Which is equivalent to “can you lipread?”. I’m still asked that TODAY in 2021! The implication of Bell’s oralism probably gave hearing people that exception that deaf people are able to lipread.

As I was reading this book, there were several descriptions of speech lessons…bringing up memories of my own speech lessons during my childhood. I have NEVER enjoyed speech. I disliked it so much. Just like the students in the book struggling to make specific sounds, I had some difficulty with specific letters such as “k”, “c”, “p”, etc. I remember being frustrated but had to internalize that anger until I was home. I didn’t like how speech lessons also took my time away from the classroom. I felt like I was missing out on what was going on with my classmates. This was an argument used by the pro-ASL advocates against Bell’s oralism, that teaching the deaf oralism took their time away from their general studies.

I was interested to see so many similarities or connection with Mystic Oral School (MOS). If you recall, I wrote a blog about the school here. It was Bell’s oralism method that was taught at MOS. During Bell’s era, they struggled with many oral deaf students signing in secret which were many stories I heard from MOS alumni. How they would secretly sign with their friends in the dorms or at home. It seemed to be a reoccurrence for sign language to be snuck in among the oral deaf students. The book mentioned Bell advocating against ‘signing schools’ to receive public funds. I remember reading court papers from when Bell came to Hartford, CT to support MOS getting funds they needed.

Bell is a very complicated person. He was smart but unwilling to listen to the deaf voices. He knew that he wasn’t liked by many. It continued to be his goal to eliminate deafness/sign language. It was implied that Bell had a little soft side towards his deaf students, as it mentioned in the book that he helped them in finding jobs, paid for their education and bought them clothes. Yet, he still believed that ASL shouldn’t be taught. I also mentioned earlier that Bell even had a deaf wife. He also had a deaf mother, who he used sign language with at home during his childhood. His wife had been one of his former students who he taught oralism to, so his wife knew how to lip read him/spoke well. She became the example of his oralism success. Bell’s wife also had a strong dislike towards teachers of the deaf because they often looked at their students as ‘cases’ which is exactly what Bell did, especially with Helen Keller!

One part of the book that made me angry was Bell’s involvement with eugenics committee on passing sterilization laws. Indiana had been the first state to pass the law in 1907. This law inspired Nazi Germany to adopt and establish their version, resulting in 40% of German deaf being sterilized. I had no idea the connection. Many don’t realize that Holocaust targeted deaf (and disabled) among the Jews. The sterilization program they adopted from the United States eventually turned into ‘T4 program’ which was a euthanasia program. This had upset me so much that I had to put the book down briefly because I was recalling a video I watched last year of a German deaf woman who had been sterilized. She shared her sadness of never being able to conceive.

This book was excellent written, very well researched and put together perfectly. The author had really dug in the archives. It was a book full of history but so powerful that it will spark dialogues about one’s personal experience as a deaf person in today’s world. It brought out so many emotions for me. I thought about my childhood that had been shaped by Bell’s oralism. I learned how to speak/lipread first until learning sign language 3 years later when I moved to a new school that combined use of speech/ASL. I felt like I spent the majority of my childhood being embarrassed of my own deafness. There were a few incidents when I’d tell my family to stop signing in public when people were staring. I always apologized for being deaf when hearing people tried to talk to me unaware of my deafness.

How people perceived the deaf people was definitely influenced by Bell. Oralism still exists today, not as popular as it was during Bell’s era. We still face discrimination especially with jobs and accessibility challenges. Many hearing parents still aren’t receiving the resources when they give birth to a deaf child resulting in language depravation. The majority of doctors today are in favor of cochlear implants. The issue is that it’s implied that it’s a cure, instead of an assistance tool.

I thought so much after reading this book. How my life would have been different if Bell had listened to the needs of the deaf people. If he had worked with them, how much more successful would we have been today? Would we still be facing discrimination? People’s opinions of us might’ve been different? After all, Bell was a smart man and could’ve achieved a lot if he had collaborated with the deaf community. In the end, he only ended up causing great harm on the deaf community. I’m so grateful that the deaf people during Bell’s era had persevered and allowed us the freedom to use sign language today!

Don’t wait on picking up this book like I did, it’s so worth the read!

Debunking the Myth About Deaf Drivers

“Do you drive?”

“Can Deaf people drive?”

“We can drive, but Deaf people can’t.”

Those are the questions or statements I’ve heard since childhood. I recall being in ASL class in middle school. The teacher asked the class to name one thing that they can do that deaf people can’t do. A girl said “we can drive”. I reacted to that with surprise that some people thought that way.

“What about the emergency vehicles/sirens?”

“How can you hear the car horns?”

Usually the follow up questions would be about sounds that most hearing people hear while driving. Yes, I can’t hear them, but I can see the emergency vehicles. I can’t hear car horns. I do have the added expectations to look around more.

It helps that Deaf people are known to have expansive peripheral vision. At the driver’s license testing, the evaluator even made a comment that he especially likes the Deaf drivers because they pay attention more.

There is no proof that Deaf people cause more accidents due to their hearing, or hearing loss making them less safe drivers. We are allowed to receive a regular driver’s license but any type of other licenses may be more challenging. It was only recent that Deaf drivers can be truck drivers (2013).

It was frustrating at one of my old jobs when I was a direct support professional. I was responsible to help my client learn how to be a member of the community i.e. having a job, participate in events, etc. All direct support professionals at the agency were required to get a special driver’s license to be able to transport clients. I went through the whole process of being fingerprinted, blood tested and paid fees to find out that I couldn’t get it because of restrictions about my hearing loss. Oh! I forgot to mention that getting that license also meant a pay bump. Luckily, the agency was understanding that I tried and they honored the pay bump for me anyways. It still wasn’t fun for the entire employment to feel like I couldn’t be relied on for driving. We had a team 2:1 so the other did all of the driving. I felt a lot of guilt for not being more helpful.

Emergency vehicles nowadays don’t seem to use sirens anymore. I can spot the flashing lights coming from behind me or ahead of me a mile away! There was only one moment that worked against my Deafness when I drove to my job in downtown Rochester, NY. I came to an intersection that was blocked by tall buildings and once the light turned green, I started going when a police cruiser was speeding towards me. I slammed on the brakes hard, and let the cruiser continue even though he had to slow a bit.

Being a Deaf driver can still be a challenge, but thankfully my expansive peripheral vision helps tremendously. I know that I always have to be alert. I still work hard to this day to not have any distractions. I often do double-checking at intersections/stop signs. To this day, I’ve never received a ticket (*knock on wood*). It’s a common misconception that people think Deaf people can’t drive legally but they can!

A Fall Weekend I’ll Never Forget in Jim Thorpe, PA

I took a camping trip up to rural Pennsylvania to a small town called Jim Thorpe, tucked in the Lehigh Gorge Valley. I grew up on the border of New York and Pennyslvania so I was missing those mountains during the change of the foliage!

Jim Thorpe also made many of “best” or “must see” lists from Town & Country, Expedia, Country Living, USA Today, National Geographic, etc. I was intrigued by the description that Jim Thorpe was a Victorian style town/European village. It’s even been nicknamed as “Switzerland of America”.

Jim Thorpe Main Street.

Driving into Jim Thorpe, you immediately see the beauty of the buildings! Many historical buildings were colorful and had a lot of detailing. The downtown was very walkable with many shops, restaurants and businesses to check out. Many of the historical buildings had been converted such as an old fire station that was turned into a bar, an Irish pub went into an old hotel, and so on. Jim Thorpe is also full of history which you can see bits everywhere in the buildings, the names of businesses, the museums and more. I noticed the name Mauch Chunk everywhere in downtown which I had found out at the library was the old town name. Jim Thorpe was a Native American athlete so they renamed the town in his memory in 1953.

Many beautiful buildings on the Main Street in Jim Thorpe like this one!

Saw many trolleys giving people tours around Jim Thorpe!

A hotel in downtown Jim Thorpe, very New Orleans style.

The town of Jim Thorpe focused mainly on the railroad and also mining. There was a museum with history of mining in Jim Thorpe. One of the biggest attraction is the Lehigh Gorge Scenic Railroad. While I was visiting, I saw steam locomotive trains circa 1900’s offering train rides. The train was even dog friendly!! Unfortunately my dog doesn’t like loud noises (horn/clacking of wheels) so it wouldn’t have been a fun ride for us. I was really bummed! I only can imagine how gorgeous it would’ve been with the foliage.

The trains.

I loved the uniforms of train employees!

Gazebo near the train station gave me Star Hollows vibes, am I right?! (Gilmore Girls)

The view of the train station from the gazebo.

I was drawn to all of Victorian homes around Jim Thorpe. Two well known landmarks were the Asa Packer Mansion and Harry Packer Mansion. Both mansions had the Italianate style. Asa Packer was the founder of the Lehigh Valley Railroad. And guess what?! Packer is connected to Mystic! How?? He was born here in Mystic, Connecticut in 1805. He moved away at the age of 17 to work, which he ended up in Mauch Chunk, Pennsylvania. Harry Packer Mansion was perched next to Asa Packer Mansion overlooking the town of Jim Thorpe. Harry Packer, the son of Asa was gifted the home as a wedding gift. The Harry Packer Mansion also inspired Disney to model for the movie ‘Haunted Mansion’. The Asa Packer Mansion is opened for tours and Harry Packer Mansion is a bed and breakfast but offers weekend tours (Murder Mystery events). I was obsessed with the beauty of the porch at Asa Packer Mansion, and the views of the railroad, mountains and downtown Jim Thorpe were amazing!

Harry Packer Mansion with Asa Packer Mansion in the background.

The stunning view of Jim Thorpe from Asa Packer Mansion.

And this gorgeous porch!

There were plenty of shops, restaurants and businesses in downtown! Some of the favorites were:

Nature’s Trail - the best collection of Jim Thorpe ornaments! 

Nature’s Trail shop.

Sellers Books - I’m a sucker for any bookshops! This was a cute small bookshop but great selection of the newest (and old) books.

My pup isn’t thrilled that mammy found another bookshop to explore!

Curiosities Coffee and Ice House - the interiors! I loved the gothic touches and purple wallpaper. I grabbed some delicious blueberry lemonade. 

That wallpaper! I need it.

Dimmick Memorial Library - I almost passed up on going inside the library. Boy, am I glad that I stepped into Dimmick. This Victorian library interiors blew me out of the water! I could spend all day in every nook and on the balcony! 

The library.

Loved how they incorporated the books in Halloween decor!

The view from the balcony.

Jingle Bells Christmas Shoppe - a shoppe with everything Christmas. It was fun poking around this shop. I loved how they incorporated Christmas in their exterior fall decor! 

Muggles’ Mug - calling all Harry Potter fans, this is a must see. The best part? It’s dog friendly! My pup got a puppuccino (pumpkin, whipped cream and milk bones!). I enjoyed a delicious pumpkin pie latte. 

Patiently waiting outside of Muggles’ Mug.

The puppuccino.

The Molly Maguire's Pub & Steakhouse - I enjoyed lunch outside since I had the pup. Good food and friendly service! The owners are even from Dublin, Ireland!

Molly Maguire’s Irish Pub.

There were many more that I wanted to see but were closed. If you plan a day in Jim Thorpe, check with the hours of places you want to see. Many of them had unusual hours. As I mentioned earlier, there was a converted firehouse into a bar… Marion Hose Bar that I hoped to visit. They had a huge outdoor patio offering bar bites and drinks. Also in downtown, there was a vintage bookshop and an Irish goods shop that were closed when I visited. I still enjoyed strolling around downtown for the day. 

Marion Hose Bar - the converted firehouse.

Jim Thorpe would be a wonderful weekend getaway if you’re ever in Poconos Region/Eastern Pennsylvania. It was under 6 hours from Mystic, Connecticut.

The oldest and unchanged house from earliest history of Jim Thorpe (then Mauch Chunk).

Old Jail Museum.

Molly Maguire also was executed in Jim Thorpe.

Those doors!

Enjoyed the Halloween decor on some homes like this one.

Historic Race Street - more shops and businesses on this street which was right off the Main Street (Broadway).

Representation Matters: Why Deaf Role Models Are Essential

Who was your role model? Were they deaf too?

Growing up in a rural area of Upstate New York didn’t give me the opportunity to meet Deaf adults to look up to. So who did I look up to? I knew of Marlee Matlin, the famous deaf actress and Heather Whitestone, first deaf Miss America. So that’s who I looked up to as a child. Both are two Deaf women on polar opposite of the spectrum. 

Marlee Matlin is a well known Deaf actress and activist today. Her performance in the movie ‘Children of a Lesser God’ in 1986 earned her an Academy Award and Golden Globe award. She had acted in several movies and TV shows since then, which included ‘Switched at Birth’ and the recent released ‘CODA’ movie. Matlin released a book ‘Deaf Child Crossing’ during my pre-teen years, early 2000s. I was in awe of her ability as a Deaf person being in Hollywood. I wished that there were MORE famous Deaf people.

Credit: Marlee Matlin’s instagram.

Heather Whitestone was the first Deaf woman to win Miss America in 1995. I was too young to understand at the time about Miss America and beauty pageants. I had learned about her afterwards. During my pre-teen years, she was doing a lot of work with Starkey Hearing Aid Foundation as their spokesperson. I wrote to her (the snail mail way!) about my deafness and how impressed I was with her accomplishments with Miss America.

Credit: Heather Whitestone McCallum’s instagram.

Marlee and Heather lost their hearing at 18 months due to illness. They identified themselves as Deaf but were on the opposite side of the spectrum. What does that mean exactly? In the present day, Marlee Matlin is a strong advocate of using American Sign Language (ASL). Although I do need to point out that she has the ability to speak and previously (maybe still currently?) wore hearing aids during my childhood years. Heather Silverstone grew up orally/verbal. She didn’t use sign language until her senior year in high school. Heather was more mainstreamed in the hearing world, even getting her cochlear implants in her adulthood. 

During my childhood, we didn’t have Internet where I could’ve had an easy access to many other Deaf role models that were out there. My mom clipped newspaper articles during my childhood to show me anything about Deaf people. I started seeing more and more of Deaf examples in my late teens years/college years. The media started having more exposure of the Deaf community. The TV show ‘Switched at Birth’ really opened many eyes about the Deaf culture. 

In my small town in Upstate New York, there were a few Deaf adults but I didn’t have many interactions with them. I did attend some meetings when I was in my high school years. I didn’t find a connection with them back then. There weren’t many others that I could relate to, so it was difficult to find role models, famous or regular folks, to really look up to. I might’ve had Marlee and Heather to look up to, but I didn’t want the same exact goals as them. I did learn that their Deafness didn’t stop them from achieving their goals so that is what was inspiring to me as a kid. 

While I was at college in Rochester, Marlee Matlin released a book ‘I’ll Scream Later’ in 2009. As part of the book release, she toured several cities which included a stop in Rochester. It was surreal to meet her at my college in person after idolizing her my entire childhood. I was so starstruck that when it was my turn for her to sign my book, I froze. I didn’t know what to say! I didn’t say a word! She smiled warmly and thanked me for coming. Oh, how I wish I could go back now and say everything. How she inspired me to achieve the impossible. Don’t let my deafness stop me from my passions. How she gave me that hope that Deaf can do it. Maybe someday again I will get that chance!

When I met Marlee Matlin at RIT, 2008.

Now, it’s different with social media and technology gaining more accessibility to Deaf kids today. They know about Deaf role models out there who are singers, artists, business owners, performers, etc. The kids have their pick now on who to look up to. I’m glad that there are more successful Deaf people out there to be that role model for a Deaf kid to look up to!

CODA movie - Dad's verison

****SPOILER ALERT: If you intend on watching this movie you may want to wait to read this!****

Read my personal thoughts about the CODA movie here.

I remember shedding tears watching the end of Brian’s Song, Terms of Endearment and even Bambi.  I experienced strong emotions throughout CODA! I don’t usually stay for the credits but needed to! This was quite different for me! I realize this movie touched others as well!

As Kelly explained this movie is about a hearing girl with deaf parents and brother. She is challenged to balance her life deciding what she wants and assisting her family. There were so many scenes that I could also relate to as a parent of a deaf daughter.

In the beginning of the movie the parents showed up at the school playing music very loud. This way they can feel the vibrations. This obviously caught the attention of the hearing kids who laughed and ridiculed them. The daughter defended them with no success. Deafness is not visible! We can relate…. as a teenager Kelly was returning a grocery cart to the corral for her mother. A man yelled to Kelly from behind that he would use the cart. Kelly not hearing did not react and put it away. He then threw up his arms in haste & with a very angry face mumbled something. Diane seeing this, informed him that she is deaf! Not so calmly!

At one point the daughter in the movie expressed herself as “I am exhausted”! This was used in context of being torn between helping her family and developing her life. Her family’s demands were so great (doctor appt, court and negotiating for their business) she had missed  her commitments. Kelly has expressed frustration with her family members who sign in group situations. Especially around the holidays! She misses so many conversations and it is difficult for the interpreter to determine what conversation to interpret.

Kelly mentioned in her review that during the school recital the director turned off the sound. The film scanned back and forth with all the happenings but the silence was overwhelming! The deaf parents’ heads were moving back and forth to try to understand what was going on around them! This put all viewers in the place of the deaf characters. Wow! This was a great approach to give you the feeling of their daily life.

The family returned home after the recital. The father and daughter were outside. He was asking questions about the song she performed. He asked her to sing it to him. She obliged and he put his hand on her throat! She seemed surprised but realized he wanted to feel her voice! Kelly started at a school when she was a year old. They worked with Diane and Kelly on her speech. Mirroring mouth movement for repetitive sounds. I remember putting Kelly’s tiny hand on my throat and repeating sounds. I remember her face. Kelly always showed amazing facial expressions as a toddler!

Toward the end of the movie the daughter was auditioning for admission to a prestigious music school. Her family was not allowed in her performance but found their way to the balcony. They entered quietly not to tip off they were there. She started her performance of “Both Sides Now” by Joni Michell  and she saw them. She started to sign the song about 1/3 of the way directly to her family! This confused the staff evaluating her until they realized her family was there.  The irony of the song was well represented to the struggles she had. She fell back into her role as interpreter where she should be individually focused. You could see the love she had for her family!

“Rows and flows of angel hair

And ice cream castles in the air

And feather canyons everywhere

Looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun

They rain and they snow on everyone

So many things I would have done

But clouds got in my way”

Looking at things from Both Sides Now is a constant effort! Understanding one’s perception may not be what you actually see. This movie really made me think! I hope more opportunities come for these people to express their views of the world!

Please watch this movie! I am sorry to give details before seeing it but I wanted to reference these moment to my personal experience. 

My thoughts about CODA movie as a Deaf person

In mid-August, there was a new movie making a splash. Apple+ released ‘CODA’ starring Marlee Matlin.  The term CODA stands for Child of Deaf Adult[s] so it was a movie portraying a life of a CODA. The movie was selected to be shown in limited theaters. I was thrilled that Mystic Luxury Cinemas was one of the theaters to feature the movie. I haven’t gone to the movie theaters in 6 years! When I lived in Rochester, NY — the movie theaters had a limited schedule of when movies would play with open captions (subtitles that appears on the screen). In 2013, the movie theaters moved to offering closed-captioning glasses. It is an accessibility tool, 3-D glasses that have captioning. It appears when you wear the glasses while watching the movie. 

It should’ve been a win, right? Except the captioning glasses are a nuisance. The 3-D glasses have two large boxes on the side which are bulky and heavy! Each time I went to the movies, I found myself leaving with a headache and sore neck. The glasses were so heavy that it always left an imprint on my nose bridge and on the sides of my face. While wearing the glasses, I had to stay still and laser focus on the movie screen to see the captions. If I looked over to a person’s face, the captions would be on their face. Sometimes the color of the movie screen washed out the captions (they’re yellow) so I would have to tilt my head down to the dark area under the screen. It was difficult to go back and forth from reading the captions under the screen to looking at the screen. Going to the movies wasn’t relaxing any more.  

Posing with the movie poster while signing “I Love You”

‘CODA’ made a move to have burnt in captions on all movies. No matter what, no matter where, everyone could go to the movie theaters and be included with everyone. I was thrilled that I finally had the chance to go to the movies and be comfortable! Especially Mystic Luxury Cinemas, a theater I’ve never been to, had luxury reclining chairs. It was so comfy! I enjoyed it so much that I went back a second time myself one rainy day. 

Before the release of ‘CODA’, I had some hesitance about how good the movie would be. How many Deaf movies do you know out there? Really only one well known movie… ‘Children of a Lesser God’ filmed in 1986, because Marlee Matlin won an Academy Award for her role. Since then, not many movies were made focusing on Deaf characters. Instead, many of them were in the background or played a role with less talking. I was nervous about this movie, if it would have actual representation of the Deaf community. Hollywood also was known to not cast Deaf actors for Deaf roles, which is still being fought for to this day. I had learned that when the director of ‘CODA’ shared the idea of the movie, she was turned down at first because she wanted Deaf actors. She fought to cast Deaf people and ended up getting her way! The Deaf actors casted in ‘CODA' were Marlee Matlin (Deaf mom/Jackie), Troy Kotsur (Deaf dad/Frank), and Daniel Durant (Deaf brother/Leo).

Now, my movie review for ‘CODA’ gets 5 out of 5 stars! It was amazing. I just loved it. I mean, you can’t beat the New England setting which was filmed in Gloucester, Massachusetts. And the fact that the movie focused on a Deaf family. The main character was a CODA girl attending high school, pursuing her music goals while working in the fishing business with her Deaf family. I thought it was a good representation of the Deaf community. Just a reminder, there are so many sub-categories within the Deaf community so obviously the movie couldn’t fit in each and every one of them. The movie showed the reality of the Deaf family’s life, even beyond the deafness. It normalized the Deaf family as a small business owner and in other activities such as going to the bar and drinking, Tinder scrolling, sibling banters, sexual activities and more. It focused on the relationship of the CODA with her Deaf family and the hearing world. 

I loved how there were a few scenes throughout the movie that I could relate to; the interpreter issues for one. CODA’s are often interpreting for their parents because many hearing people see them as available and free. The hearing people take advantage of that, so it has caused many CODA’s to have to grow up faster because they shouldered that responsibility of providing accessibility for their parents. Ruby, the main character, was interpreting at meetings, negotiating fish prices, in court and doctor appointments for her parents. The movie didn’t speak about the accessibility issues with finding an interpreter, but it portrayed the Deaf parents as people relying on a family member. I knew that I relied on my hearing family (and even friends!) while growing up. I’ve always felt like a burden to others. The issue is that I wasn’t given that chance to be independent and speak for myself just like the Deaf parents/brother weren’t in the movie.  

Jackie, the Deaf mom expressed her thoughts with Ruby towards the end of the movie about her reaction to Ruby being hearing. I am not a mother yet, but hopefully someday. I have fears of being a parent of a CODA. I know how to do things as a Deaf person, so how do I do some things with a hearing kid? Jackie described the fear as feeling a disconnection. Would my child prefer to use sign language to speak with me? Would my child find me annoying later on in life because of my deafness? I grew up feeling like a burden on my family and worried that my brother resented me. I don’t want that with my kids.  

Another thing that struck a chord with me throughout the movie was Leo constantly trying to prove himself. I didn’t realize how much I grew up focusing on proving everyone wrong. There were so many stereotypes of Deaf people that I didn’t want to be victim of. I worked so hard in school to get far in life. Watching Leo wanting that independence and everyone else to respect him just hit me in the feels. I wanted that respect from everyone too. I want them to think I have the ability to do anything! While growing up, everyone focused on everyone around me, instead of looking at me as an individual. If someone wanted to say something to me, they would look to them to interpret for me instead of writing it down. In restaurants, it was them that servers would look to. I felt like I always had to prove myself, even to this day, I find myself still doing that. 

I enjoyed how the movie tried to show some aspects of being Deaf. The one scene that also struck a chord with me, was the concert. The Deaf family went to the concert for Ruby to support her. Ruby and her classmates sang the first song while the Deaf family had no idea of what was being sung, if it was enjoyable, etc. It showed them having small talks about their surroundings or thinking about dinner plans. It made me laugh because I do that! I always find myself people-watching at events without accessibility. The second song that Ruby sang, the movie cut off the sound and made all viewers live through a few moments of a Deaf person’s life. I hope that really makes the viewers think about that! It was a powerful moment. 

Do I have criticism for the movie? Of course, no movie is perfect. Instead, I want to focus that there was even a movie made about the Deaf community and put the spotlight on CODA. We all in the Deaf community so much deserve that. I hope that many people watch it (it’s still playing in selected theaters, but available to everyone on Apple+ TV). I went to see the movie twice at the theater, and both times it made me feel so good to see other people there. I was in disbelief that the theater was more than half full. I was expecting sparse audiences. The people also varied from elderly, families, couples and even some came alone. It made me feel so good. These people were willing to watch a movie about my world!

My years as a Deaf first responder

Happy EMS (Emergency Medical Services) Week!

It is a week that occurs annually in mid May. Honoring EMS for all that they do. It is a bittersweet time for me, as I reflect on my experiences with the volunteer ambulance organization. I have learned a lot from these years.

Some background first, while I was in Rochester, NY I was on the track of joining the fire department after meeting a deaf firefighter. I knew I always had a passion for the emergency field. I went on a few ride alongs with the fire department, which I learned a lot especially about the tools that the deaf firefighter used. Unfortunately I didn’t live in the town of that fire department so I had to go to the neighboring fire department. I met another deaf firefighter there which again, I went on a couple ride alongs. I was about to join officially when a new bylaw was passed that any member of the fire department would have to pass a hearing test with the radio communications. At the same time, my passion for the criminal justice system was increasing as I was majoring in the classes. I spent a lot time with lawyers at the court houses so I decided to pursue this path. 

When I moved to Connecticut, it was impossible for me to stay in the criminal justice field. This is when I decided to re-visit the fire department idea. I met a female volunteer who gave me a tour and explained how the fire department also housed the ambulance organization. She was a dual member of both, so she was helpful in sharing all the information. I decided to try the ambulance organization. I officially joined, after being voted in. I remember I was nervous about other members having some hesitancy about having a deaf responder. At the time, I felt welcomed. 

My pup visited me one night while I was on duty.

I requested to be a driver, which I was told that I had to be certified in CPR and EMR (emergency medical responder) first. I also thought it would be worthwhile to see all aspects on the ride alongs first to solidify that I wanted to be a driver. In the beginning, it was challenging to find a crew for me to ride with. 

Once a crew was found for me to ride with, I followed someone who was a dual driver/EMT. I acted as an assistant, carrying equipments and doing whatever they asked me. I spent most of time observing and learning. After a couple years of doing the ride alongs, I felt ready to start the process of being a driver but I was still not EMR certified. 

I asked a few times about the training/classes but I wasn’t told when they would be offered. I continued to ride on the ride alongs, but I started to stay with the driver only. I would ride up front with the driver. When the EMTs brought patients into the hospital, I would restock/clean the rig with the driver. I was quickly getting burnt out with doing scut work when I wanted to advance in my driver training. 

On some of the medical calls, it was ALS (advanced life support) so a paramedic traveling in a medical truck (employed by the hospital) would meet us at the scene. The paramedic would ride in the back of the rig. Sometimes a firefighter will drive the truck to the firehouse, the ambulance will bring the paramedic back to the truck after the transport. If there happened to be an extra crew member on the ambulance, they could drive the truck following the ambulance to the hospital. One call, the paramedic asked me to drive. It was a big moment for me! I felt responsible, trustworthy, and really good! 

Ambulance rig and medical truck (the one that I drove several times) parked at the hospital.

The same paramedic quickly took me under his wings on the calls. I started riding in the back to the rig if he was there. He showed me how to start up the heart monitor machine, get the supplies together and ready for him to use, etc. I felt motivated again! We had a long conversation off duty one day about my goals, as well my frustration about being certified. He stepped up, continued to show me how to do things to my abilities and allowed me to try more things. One of most rewarding experiences the paramedic allowed me to try was administrating narcan. It was a couple weeks after getting trained in narcan, that we had a drug overdose call. The paramedic was already on scene and gave the patient the first round of narcan. I had just told the paramedic the previous week that I got the training and he remembered. He told me to ‘come over here and do it’. I was terrified! It was amazing feeling that I actually did something physically life saving. 

I met another paramedic from the same hospital through a mass causality training exercise. The exercise had multiple departments participation. I wasn’t able to do a lot with the lack of certifications. I followed around a few people, feeling helpless and frustrated. I knew that I had the abilities to do some tasks. The paramedic never met me before this day, so when I was placed in the back of the rig with her, she didn’t realize that I was deaf. It didn’t stop her from telling me to get the patients’ information (there was 4 ‘fake’ patients with us). I froze because I’ve never did that basic step! This was 3 years in of being a volunteer with the ambulance organization. I was embarrassed but it turned into a training session for me to learn how to do this step. The ‘fake patients’ were very willing to help out, writing via paper and pen (of course I know this would be unrealistic in real emergent situations) but the point was these 5 people took the time to focus on me to learn something that day. I felt very accomplished.

A selfie after completing a call.

This is when I felt like I wasn’t being advocated well enough to try more tasks on the ride alongs enough that both paramedics saw that. I realized how much I was being held back from furthering. On the other hand, I was voted the scheduling officer within first year of being a volunteer. I was responsible for assembling shifts, finding coverages, maintaining updated rosters and assemble coverage for special events. The members were very accommodating with me in my position as the scheduling officer by texting or emailing me. As the time went on, it was getting difficult to do one task which was assigning new incoming members to their mentors. I watched them move up the ranks much faster than me. I felt like other mentors devoted their time to educate them. It wasn’t fair to me. I felt stuck and that I wasn’t going anywhere. I felt that they only saw my skills limited to administrative duties. I really wanted to further my training to get certified and actual help people out in the field. 

After being a volunteer for 3 years, the local newspaper contacted the director of the ambulance organization wanting to do an article on me. I was thrilled that they thought I was newsworthy and saw this as a great opportunity to show everyone that DEAF CAN! I also felt conflicted, because I couldn’t brag about all the tasks that I knew I was capable of that I wasn’t doing. When the article was published, I received so many praise from family, friends, coworkers and the community. I was proud but also frustrated. 

The professional photo from the article.

The article gained so much attention from outside of the region, including other deaf responders. I got in touch with a few from New York, New Jersey, Illinois, Ohio, Maine, Massachusetts and more. Two deaf firefighters from Connecticut had contacted me too, after talking to them about our limitations, I realized that I was really limited! 

It motivated me to start asking questions about why I wasn’t close to my goal of being a driver. I was finally given a reason… ‘insurance liability’. I got in touch with a disability lawyer who had a deaf husband working as an EMT in Washington D.C. so she was very aware about disability laws. She was very helpful in guiding me with what next steps to take. I contacted the insurance agency that the town had a contract with, which he refused to share the information but forwarded my inquiry to the town mayor. 

The town mayor invited me in for a meeting. When I joined the ambulance, it was a different mayor at the time but the assistant was same person who had been there for the original meeting (that I wasn’t aware of) to determine whether I would be allowed to drive. The mayor explained that he was summarized about this by his assistant and stated that ‘insurance liability’ never was an issue. AND that I was allowed to drive as long there was reasonable accommodation. I was baffled. Wait, what?! My mouth literally dropped to the floor. I came to the meeting with my sleeves rolled up prepared for a fight only to feel that I wasted my time. I left the meeting in disbelief, beyond frustrated, embarrassed and defeated.

I had to really analyze if this was something worthwhile to fight for. Did I have passion for this? I went to the monthly executive board meeting (as the scheduling officer), the training officer who had been at the meeting with the mayor had already taken the steps to research tools for the reasonable accommodations. I had felt sad for that week so when I saw what he had done, I felt supported. He saw my abilities and wanted to help. This is exactly what I had needed.

I finished cleaning the rig and was waiting for my crew.

I went on a few more ride alongs and resigned from the scheduling officer position. I started to find out more and more. When I first joined, there had been an executive board meeting to decide about my request to be a driver. Why wasn’t I present to advocate myself? How would anyone know what resources were available? I’ve lived my entire life deaf, so I knew better than anyone. I also got the impression that the organization might’ve been concerned about the financial aspect of supporting me. Eventually, I took a leave of absence to see if my heart was still in it. After 3 months, I officially resigned. 

It is very likely that I was the first deaf person for the majority to meet. I hope they learned that I was capable of doing anything. I hope in the future, they can be open minded, allow others to grow and support them in their goals. If you are in a position to support someone like me to accomplish their goals, be that person! You want to be remembered as someone who helped, not someone who didn’t help. Nothing more rewarding than that.

Resigning was the most difficult decision because I felt that I failed. I was so hurt. I felt betrayed. The 4 years would’ve been so different if I knew right at the beginning about the reasonable accommodation. I had invested a lot of my time to respond to those calls and attend all the meetings to not get the results I had aimed for. This is not the story I had hope to write about. I wish this was a successful deaf role model story for others to be inspired by, but I know in my heart that I tried. I try to not look at this experiences as a waste of time, because I did gain a lot from the experiences. I met many people in the field who taught me things, learned about myself and met some life long friends. 

I attended the CT EMS Expo annually, one year I met the crew of Nightwatch TV show (based in New Orleans, LA).

Olde Mistick Village

The duck pond at Olde Mistick Village.

Olde Mistick Village hosts their annual Cabin Fever Festival and Charity Chowder Cook-off this month. I have attended this event religiously ever since 2012! It’s always a fun event which I previously blogged about on here. I realized is that I never went in details about the Olde Mistick Village. What is it exactly? It is an outdoor shopping center with over 50+ unique shops. The village also has the vibe of the colonial 18th century New England. It’s always enjoyable to take a stroll around this beautiful village which is opened year-round. The village also consists of a luxury movie cinema theater, restaurants and services.

If you’re coming into Mystic, CT from I-95, Olde Mistick Village will be your first stop right off the highway. It’s an ideal stop for stretching out those legs from the car ride and to check out everything they have to offer. Each shop has something to offer for everyone. I love the variety of shops making it unique. I will mention my favorite shops (organized by the route starting at the first shop to the last one) and where to DINE below:

Alice in the Village is inspired by the movie ‘Alice in the Wonderland’ with a tearoom and shop. It’s so fun to walk in here and feel like you’re in the movie! There are bakery cases with treats to take on the go with drinks as well. If you have time, sit in their tearoom and order British Afternoon Tea. The treats will come on those three-tier stands! In their shop, they sell Disney items and teas.

The fun whimsy interior of Alice in the Village.

Toy Soldier was the first store to open in Olde Mistick Village. It is the classic family owned old fashioned toy store. Walking in here, you will immediately feel welcomed while having nostalgia of your childhood. It’s a good shop to get your kids a toy or buy a gift for the kid in your life! If you aren’t sure what to get, they are willing to help you and are very knowledgeable.

Get a selfie with the bear at Toy Soldier!

Garden Specialties is the perfect shop for the garden lovers. There are items for your outdoor gardening spaces, as well home decor items. I feel like I always see unique products here every time I stop in. I also love the Willow Tree collection which they sell it in their store.

The Boardwalk makes me feel like I’m at the Jersey Shore. For those who may not know, I’m actually a Jersey girl, born in central New Jersey. It’s always fun to visit this shop. The shop has all of your Mystic souvenirs as well beach decor for the home. There are also clothing, hats, glasses, signs and many more.

Becca Rose carries goat milk soap, skincare, makeup, face care, candles, books and many more. Many of their products focus around wellness. When you walk into the shop, it always smells so good. The friendly customer service is always top notch and very knowledgeable. I’ve brought the goat milk soaps and the essential oil patches. I love them! Their patches are great for headaches, anxiety, sleep comfort, muscle relaxing, focus, stress relief and more. Each of the soap is also classified by the remedies it works best for, making it easy for the customers to choose!

The goat milk soaps at Becca Rose.

Irish Eyes is my favorite Irish store in Connecticut. I’ve had MANY purchases from this store, as you know I am a proud IRISH girl! They carry clothing (those comfy sweaters!), home goods, accessories, jewelry, hats, BELLEEK products, teas and many more! I love that they have my favorite chocolate from Butler’s in Dublin, Ireland. It’s difficult to find them in the United States. The owner is very friendly too, willing to help any customers. She was willing to place a special order when I was in search of a replacement Claddagh ring. The jewelry section has so many beautiful items that I wish I could buy them all!

Irish Eyes, one of my favorite shops!

Deviant Donuts serves up their delicious gourmet donuts every weekend. Those donuts are out of the world amazing! The donuts are fresh made in their shop. Each weekend they have a special theme dedicated to the donuts. Just look at their Instagram, it is mouth watering! The donuts do sell out FAST every weekend! Be sure to watch their IG for the weekly specials and set those alarms!

Vault/Deviant Donuts did Patriots themed donuts when they were in the 2019 Superbowl!

R.A. Georgetti & Co. is a fun store! I feel like it’s a maze full of treasures. This shop has a large collection of everything from jewelry, glassware, home decor items, accessories, figurines and many more that I am missing. They are able to have so many products to sell without making the shop feel cluttered, which amazes me! There’s definitely something for anyone in this shop. I love checking out the Jim Shore collections when I go in there. The folks working there are always welcoming and friendly.

Franklin’s General Store is known for their amazing FUDGE. I didn’t even like fudge, I took a bite of their free samples that they give out daily and I was SOLD! I’ve been back everytime since buying fudge for friends, family and myself. They do seasonal flavors monthly - usually February is cherry vanilla which is my favorite! Be sure to sample their fudge or if you’re not a fudge person, they have delicious roasted nuts too. The general store sells gifts for anyone - books, puzzles, home ware goods, candles, nostalgia candy, t-shirts and canned goods. I’ve been a long time customer of this store, it’s one of my favorites.

Out here, you can smell the roasting nuts. Fresh fudge is in there too!

Pop on the Block is the store for the popcorn fanatics! They have a variety of flavored popcorn. There’s even flavors that you will be shocked by! Peanut butter and jelly popcorn! Coffee popcorn! Dill pickles popcorn! Pizza popcorn! Maryland crab and cheddar popcorn! The list goes on and on and on! I loved their chocolate peppermint popcorn they had around the holidays. The popcorns are so good, and locally made. I love that the popcorn is sourced from USA farms. There are variety packs, gift baskets and even popcorn pizzas to buy as gifts! I like that i’m able to sample popcorn before making a purchase. I’ve always had helpful service from staff in the shop.

The delicious dark chocolate peppermint popcorn!

Kitch is centrally located in middle of the village with their infamous duck pond. Many visitors have flocked to the pond to see the ducks. This setting was used in a Hallmark Christmas movie (A Very Nutty Christmas with Melissa Joan Hart). Kitch is a kitchen ware store selling cookware, knives, gadgets and utensils for the kitchen. I love shopping their cookie cutters selection - they have many to choose from! They host cooking classes in the store too. I had plans to go out for Valentine’s Day dinner one year but bad weather at dinner time cancelled the reservation. The dinner plans turned into a brunch cooking class. That was one of the best Valentine’s day date! It was so much fun, we learned how to cook some delicious foods. Be sure to check their website for their upcoming cooking classes. It’s worth while to go!

Kelley’s Pace, the place to go for running shoes. I popped in there one year when Brooks (the brand) did a special run of limited edition Boston Marathon sneakers. I was obsessed with the lobster sneakers! This was when I found out the meaning behind Kelley’s Pace - founded by John Kelley who was 1957 Boston Marathon winner. There is a statue of John Kelley in downtown Mystic, across the street from Mystic Pizza. Kelley’s impressed me with their excellent customer service. They were very friendly and willing to help you find the right shoes (even if it’s not for running). If you want to join a running group, they have one that runs on Thursday nights. I love how Kelley’s Place is involved in the community. Their Hare Hop 5K is coming up on March 7th at 9AM - sign up is on their website.

Need some running shoes? This is the place to go!

Sticky Situations has the BEST honey selection! I love the many flavored honeys that I’ve purchased over the years from here. My favorite is the elderberry honey - I put it on my salmon. Another favorite is the dark chocolate honey as well the peppermint honey. What to eat with the honey? No worries, each of the honey has a sign with recommendations. It’s super helpful! On top of that, the folks working there are also willing to help too. I’ve engaged in several conversations which gave me plenty of ideas on how to combine their honey with my favorite foods. You can sample ALL OF THE HONEYS! It’s super helpful to be able to taste and buy your favorites! They also sell olive oil, vinegar, syrup and pasta sauces.

Showing off my favorite honey, elderberry along with Coffee Bean Honey Butter (it was first time to try it and the verdict is… thumbs up!)

Bleu Squid located behind Sticky Situations is known for their cupcakes and grilled cheese. It’s 1:00 PM in the afternoon and you’re craving breakfast. Where to go? Bleu Squid serves breakfast (as well regular lunch food) all day long. Pancakes, eggs, gourmet sandwiches, house made soups and grilled cheese sandwiches. My heart is breaking now that I recently discovered my dairy allergy. I’m telling you, the grilled cheese sandwiches are delicious. My favorite was the chicken cheddar which is grilled cheese with chicken, sauteed apples and cheddar. Sounds simple but it is good! Save some room in your tummies for their award winning cupcakes.

Bleu Squid - home of the grilled cheese and delicious cupcakes.

Sofia’s Mystical Christmas is the place to go for ornaments! Stocked with a variety of ornaments for your nurse, EMT, teacher, Irish, newlyweds, firefighter and ANYONE. The ornaments are organized so it’s easy to maneuver through the shop to pick what you need. Need a Mystic ornament? They’ve got it. I love shopping in here yearly to pick out gifts for others or even to find new ornament for my tree! The store is willing to personalize ornaments too.

Posted on Kitch building - most of OMV shops allows dogs!

There’s so many more shops that were not mentioned. I can’t just list them all! That’s why I said there is something for absolutely everyone! It’s always fun to visit Olde Mistick Village year-round. I love to take walks there with my pup, enjoying all that it has to offer. It is so dog friendly there! Most shops will allow well behaved dogs to come inside. Few years ago the Olde Mistick Village security guard even brought his dog, sporting a security vest and sunglasses, to a past chowder cook off festival. I definitely suggest you guys see the village at night time with their beautiful lights. Every building is dressed with lights. It can get busy at the clam chowder cook off festival so you will want to plan to come back again to really see what Olde Mistick Village is all about. Off to stretch my tummy for all of those delicious chowders…

The security pup that was at the clam chowder cook off back in 2014!

The Meeting House next to the duck pond. On Valentine’s Day, many couples renewed vows or got married here!

The luxury movie theater in OMV. People love the luxury chairs in there… only if the movies were captioned I would be there!

B had to get a photo with the gnome! It is in front of Bestemors, a Scandinavian gift shop located near the duck pond.

Deaf while Dating

Dating is an adventure for everyone. It was especially hard for me because of communication barriers. I mentioned that I grew up in mainstreamed school. My only options for dating were the hearing guys. How do I approach them? How do I let them know that I have a crush on them? Will they learn sign language for me? It was challenging to develop friendships so dating was even harder.

I was lucky to have a cute “first boyfriend” story. In 3rd grade, I became best friends with a male hearing classmate. I don’t remember how we communicated back then during classes. I think it might’ve been all writing. Our school had an annual event where we write notes to anyone in the school. During that annual event in 4th grade, he wrote me a note. The note said “Dear Kelly, do you love me or not. If you do just give me your phone number and address. Your secret admirer. The boy now sits across from you. The first letter in his name is R.” Stinking adorable, right? It was an innocent elementary school crush but I was impressed how he made the effort and didn’t see me as a deaf person if he asked for a phone number! I ended up giving him what he asked for and we would play together after school. For my birthday, he gave me a Spice Girls (I was obsessed with them!) watch. Unfortunately when I moved to a new school, I lost touch with him. Looking back at this, even through it was innocent elementary school crush, I was impressed how my deafness didn’t stop him.

In middle school, relationships were forming everywhere around me. I had many crushes. It was difficult for me to have a boyfriend. Many boys were shy or nervous about my deafness. They were old enough to know that it would be a challenge. I didn’t have any boyfriends in middle school, but I did have a long time crush on one particular boy that I played with on the co-ed soccer team. We flirted, we passed notes, and we hung out at lunch during school. He never learned sign language. I had a feeling that he had a crush on me but didn’t know how to have a relationship with a deaf person. This went on for a few years.

In the last year of middle school I met a boy that attended another school across town. I met him through my cousin, they had played baseball together. This was the second guy to directly tell me that he had a crush on me. Our relationship was entirely online through AOL instant messenger, we saw each other a few times in person. It was difficult to continue because we lived on different sides of the town. It only lasted 6 months but it was a great feeling to finally be liked back. I really crushed on him because he saw past my deafness. It was rare to find guys to do that. We did get back together briefly in high school but it ended because of communication barriers. Despite him seeing past my deafness, he didn’t learn sign language. It was so easy to talk with him online but in person was another story.

High school was very similar to middle school. It was difficult to get past any communication barriers when it came to dating. Any bonds I had with guys were friendships. I attended a summer camp at RIT/NTID the year before my senior year of high school. The summer camp was a 6-days exploration program for college-bound seniors. Everyone who attended the program was deaf or hard of hearing. I met a guy during the camp that turned into a long distance relationship for a year. This was my first deaf boyfriend. It was an interesting experience to not have the communication issues. He understood the deaf struggles so it was easy to connect on that. The only challenge with our relationship was that he lived outside of Chicago, Illinois. It made me different from my friends who had their boyfriends/girlfriends locally. It was tough to be long distance but I was glad to have a boyfriend when all of my friends had boyfriends/girlfriends. He came to visit me over Christmas break then I went to his prom in spring time. I flew at 17 years old to Chicago on my own! That was quite the experience. I did had an incident when I missed my layover in Detroit, Michigan because I couldn’t find someone to communicate with to help me find the gate. I passed a note to multiple agents with no luck. I eventually made it to Chicago 3 hours late than my original arrival time. I was terrified to travel alone but I did it! We both were RIT/NTID bound in the fall, but broke up during summer because we wanted to explore college independently.

I thought dating wouldn’t be so difficult during college with wide options of both hearing and deaf guys. At least the hearing guys at RIT would be aware of the deaf community and potentially know some signs. Nope! I faced the same difficulty. I dated several hearing guys. We would go out to dinners, attend hockey games, movie nights, etc. The one thing they had in common was that none of them was willing to learn sign language. How did it worked then? It was all writing, texting on our phones or gesturing. After a while they would understand my “deaf accent”. I decided during my second year that I won’t date any more hearing guys who weren’t willing to learn sign language. It was too much work for me!

I’ve had relationships that were communicated entirely on the computer or phone (texting). I was surprised how the guys were OK with that. I didn’t enjoy that we were completely silent when we were hanging out in person. It was awkward! I dated a hearing guy once during college that took me to a hearing dominant party. I sat there for a while not interacting until a hearing guy who knew sign language approached me. He flirted so bad with me which made the guy I was dating jealous! However, when I was with him and his friends, it was impossible to lip read several people at same time. He didn’t know sign language so how could he help to interpret for me? That relationship was very short lived because of that.

It didn’t help my self esteem when I didn’t have guys willing to learn sign language to talk with me. I felt not good enough or liked enough. If they liked me so much, why wouldn’t they learn? Many of you probably are wondering by now, why not just date deaf guys? I dated very few deaf guys during college. None of them ever got serious. The problem is that the deaf community was so small, deaf guys were slim pickings. You may be surprised too, but it was difficult to find deaf guys that came from mainstreamed lifestyle. I preferred those guys in particular because it was difficult to connect with deaf guys who came from a strong deaf background. Some of them had too much pride to even date someone like me who wasn’t “deaf enough”. I dated a hearing guy with deaf connections, so he was fluent in signing. It was really easy to communicate with him. I felt that I was able to get to know him a lot more than other hearing guys I dated.

I noticed it was pretty common among my deaf mainstreamed friends to date hearing people. I don’t know if it was because we came from mainstreamed lifestyles, hearing people were our norm. Deaf and hearing relationships however had a very high rate of breakups/divorces due to communication issues. It’s a lot of pressure already in the beginning of any relationship to have communication to work. I knew that I needed a guy who was willing to put in the effort. If he’s not willing to put in the effort to communicate with me, how would that relationship be successful? I broke up with a hearing guy that I was dating and his response was “Well, it probably was for the best. It wouldn’t have worked with us with the communication issues anyways”. I was baffled at the response. He never once learned sign language. He missed out on knowing me because he didn’t take the time to put in the effort. Seeing this happening so frequently with me and many other deaf people, I only feel sorry for hearing people who were too scared to try. They possibly missed out on a great person in their life. I was mad that I struggled with self esteem over this but I knew my worth. I learned to feel sorry for any guys who missed the opportunity to know me because they let my deafness get in the way!

In my 3rd year of college, I had a traumatizing dating experience. I was talking with a hearing guy that grew up in the same hometown and attended same high school. He didn’t know sign language. This became an incident when communication issues put me in a danger situation. He locked me in his room alone and I was very uncomfortable. I started to freak out and frantically gestured to him that I needed to go. I was shaken to the core. I was wondering is he going to hurt me? I left immediately and felt stupid. I blamed myself. I blamed my deafness. It was communication issues that got me into this incident. He reached out to me after to apologize and told me that he signed up for sign language classes. It was too late for him. I didn’t appreciate the position that he had put me in so I ended all communications with him.

It wasn’t fun for me to date but it did teach me a lot. At times, it actually felt like I had to settle for less. I faced many rejections based on my deafness so I knew communication was first priority whenever I met someone. I learned about what I wanted out of a relationship and focused on the important qualities that I wanted from that right person.

All opinion in this blog are my own. It does not reflect the opinions of other deaf members.

Embracing My Deaf Identity

There are a lot of struggles with being deaf in a hearing world, but also within our own deaf community. Unfortunately it is challenging to find my place in the deaf community even as a deaf individual.

I mentioned in the cochlear implants blog that there are many subgroups of the deaf community. I learned about them when I attended college at RIT (which also had a college for the deaf - National Technical Institute for the Deaf - NTID). During my childhood, I was mainstreamed with all hearing peers so I never truly found my identity until college.

NTID was more of a community college helping deaf students to earn associate degrees. The goal after associate degrees is to either enroll in a bachelors degree program at RIT or transfer to another university for further education. The majority of deaf students were accepted through NTID, but very few were able to transfer into RIT immediately on enrollment depending on their academic success. I spent my first term in NTID then I was enrolled into RIT under the criminal justice program. I was one of three deaf students in the program at the time. Sometimes I would have them in my classes and sometimes I would be the only one. It was more difficult for me to socialize with my deaf peers being mainstreamed again, I had to go seek them out.

For this reason, in my first year of college, I decided to join a deaf sorority. I wanted deaf “girlfriends” so that I could have shopping buddies, I wanted to do all the girly things that I missed out on during childhood and find my future bridesmaids. This helped me to be involved in the deaf world at RIT. Many girls came from all kinds of deaf lives so I learned a lot from them. The sorority was involved in a lot of activities and events at NTID, I was able to socialize with my deaf peers outside the sorority as well. I also learned so much about my deaf culture from my sisters, I never knew there was a famous deaf rapper who happened to be married to my big-big sister’s biological sister - Sean Forbes. I was amazed when we went to one of his concerts and saw him rapping in sign language! The sorority had about 50-60 sisters so there were still “cliques” of girls (mostly based on the subgroups of the deaf community that I had discussed). It was still difficult for me to find my place. I formed a friendship with one who became my best friend who I did everything with. I was disappointed that I didn’t leave with a group of girlfriends as I hoped but I did leave with a lot experiences because of them. The sorority gave me a huge start in exploring my identity.

Another factor that helped me to find my identity was my deaf best friend that I met at a summer camp, before attending RIT. My best friend actually is a Rhode Islander (I had NO idea that I would eventually be a New Englander!). We did everything together in the first two years of college. He taught me a lot about the deaf culture and community. We had a different school upbringing but yet we clicked so well. He attended a deaf institute in Rhode Island before coming to RIT. I saw his self confidence as a deaf individual which helped me to build up mine. When we would go places, I would see him confidently talking to people using his voice or writing (this was in the days before notes were available on phones). He wasn’t afraid to try. He was a very sociable person, and as I was a shy person, that helped me to come out of my shell.

I had a turbulent time during college figuring out where I belonged. I HATED Rochester. Not kidding. I felt like I wasn’t fitting into any groups. I got homesick. I went home every weekend in mid college years. This didn’t help my social life. I realized that I didn’t appreciate the friends that I did have. I closed them off. Luckily for me, some of them were still there at the end. It was a long difficult journey but I did finally accepted myself as a deaf individual.

That time finally came for me in my final year at RIT. It was the greatest feeling. I spent my whole childhood wondering why I was chosen to be different. Being in Rochester changed that perspective for me. It was the closest to a “normal” life that I could ever have. Rochester is much more accessible for the deaf community. Going out to public places was comfortable, hearing people were aware of us. They were used to knowing how to communicate with us and familiar with our “deaf accents”. It was normal to sit at a red light in traffic and see deaf people signing in the car next to you. It was normal to see deaf people signing at Wegman’s while grocery shopping. It was normal for a deaf person to drive right up to the drive-thru window to place an order. There were even deaf professionals in the community such as veterinarians, counselors, dentists, etc. I didn’t feel different at all. I felt at HOME in Rochester.

Why would I move away from Rochester?

I get that question PRETTY OFTEN, even today. I moved to Connecticut shortly after my graduation. Honestly, I did not want to leave Rochester at first. I realized in 2017 that I wanted to stay in New England. As difficult as it was to leave Rochester, the only thing I truly loved about Rochester was feeling that normality but my heart was destined to be near the shoreline.

Moving to Connecticut was an another challenge to start all over in the deaf community. Unfortunately, I am in a “dry spot” in CT, where a deaf community is almost non-existent and there are very few deaf people locally. I would have to drive an hour up to Hartford, CT or Providence, RI to participate in deaf social events. I met the local deaf people, it was hard to socialize with them since they all had kids and I didn’t. I liked them but it wasn’t easy finding things to do together. I was excited when a local event popped up at the casino close by. I was nervous to attend but when I did, only one deaf person talked to me. Another event that I went to, I finally was able to talk to more deaf people but most of the questions I got was criticizing the lifestyle that I chose. They weren’t accepting of me. This drove me away from socializing in further events.

I did get a chance to work at a deaf school up in Hartford, CT. The majority of the staff there were deaf. I was able to socialize with deaf co-workers but I was faced with that acceptance issue again. I was told that many deaf people in Connecticut are protective of their deaf community so they aren’t always welcoming of newcomers. I was upset about that because with the deaf community being so small and with only so few of us, I would think they would be more accepting to have more friends who speak their language and understand their culture. We face discrimination often so I was shocked to get that from my own community. Another thing is that I also was told that I wasn’t “deaf enough”. They were able to understand me when we communicate via sign language. I understand most of deaf culture from what I learned in college. Yet I was still not “deaf enough” because of my mainstreamed upbringing. It is very frustrating.

It is very lonely to be alone in CT but this is when I realized the importance of keeping in touch with my deaf friends from RIT online and via text messaging. I am SO lucky to have them! The distance and going through this difficult experience has helped some of those friendships to grow. I have found that many of them are going through similar experiences of not fitting in their local deaf communities, it isn’t just CT where this is occurring. It shouldn’t be challenging because living life as a deaf individual is already challenging enough!

These experiences have made me stronger BUT I do have my bad days. I learned that it helps to go to Rochester to reset myself. Ironically the place that I once hated has became a place to reset. Those trips are always good because it brings back my confidence and motivation as a deaf individual being back at home around deaf people in the deaf world. I feel better once I feel that normality. It reminds me of the journey I went through to love myself as a deaf person. Rochester is always going to be home for me, a place where I can truly be who I am. I can live with the fact that I won’t have that normality every day but Rochester will always be there for me when I need home. There are still times when I wish I could move back to Rochester permanently, but for now New England has my heart.

Between Two Worlds: Growing Up Deaf in Mainstream Schools

Happy Deaf Awareness Month!

This past week I saw a post that was frequently shared over Instagram. The post quoted “I don’t want to turn a Deaf child into a hearing child. I want to help a Deaf child who struggles become a Deaf child who doesn’t struggle”. Those words just really got to me! It made me reflect on my mainstreamed childhood in the public schools. I had some tough times but also gained a lot from my experiences. It’s important to have the best education but at same time, make sure it fits the needs of each individual. Not all deaf people are the same, so the needs varies!

I was mainstreamed in a public school in Upstate New York my entire life. Being mainstreamed was very challenging. I first attended an elementary school across town that had a specialized classroom for students with hearing loss as well as other disabilities. There was an average of 13 students in the classroom every year. I would spend half of the day in the classroom working on speech and writing.

Let’s go off track for a bit so I can explain why writing was a huge focus for me. Grammar is a common weakness for Deaf people. American Sign Language and English are different language, with different grammar rules. Because of our hearing loss we are not learning the linguistics patterns; therefore, writing can be challenging for many. You can see this sometimes when a Deaf person would write the way they sign. Example: (English) How are you? (ASL - how we would sign) How you? Often when using ASL, the verbs (is, be, am, were, etc) aren’t signed. ASL follows different word orders than spoken English.

I hope this clarify why I needed more time to work on writing and with grammar than an average student needed. So again, my typical day consisted of spending the morning in the special education classroom then in the afternoon, I went to my mainstreamed class. This is when I ate lunch with my peers, attended specials (PE/music/art/library) classes and learn other core subjects (math/science/social studies).

I attended that elementary school up to the 4th grade. Since the school wasn’t in my neighborhood, I had to commute daily on a bus. I begged my parents to let me go to the local elementary school in my neighborhood. I badly wanted to be at same school as my brother and the local kids from my neighborhood. My parents had to fight for me to be allowed to transfer schools. The school I was going to had the special classroom equipped with interpreters, Teacher of the Deaf and speech services. The district didn’t want to pay additional for those services at the local school. Thankfully my parents didn’t give up on the fight and I was able to go to the local school for 5th and 6th grades.

It was one of the best decisions for me to transfer schools. Despite the challenges, it was worth it in the end. The experience made me grow a lot and learn how to be my own advocate. I made local friends. I had grown up watching my brother have local friends who were able to come over to play. My friends from my first school never did that since it was across town. When I transferred to the local school, I made many local friends who were able to play with after school. I had best friends. I had sleepovers. I went to birthday parties. I went to friends’ houses for play dates. I was having the normal friendships that I watched my brother have.

One of the second grade teacher at my local school heard about my upcoming arrival the following year so she hosted a sign language club after school. I was allowed to come as a guest to help her teach kids basic ASL. I made a few friends. This helped tremendously with the first day jitters! I walked into the class immediately knowing some friends because of the club. I was very grateful for that teacher to open doors for friendships! She has no idea how her actions with the sign language club became a major asset for my transition into the new school.

Being at the local school was very different. I felt that because I was clumped in with the special education kids at the first school, it was hard for others to see me as an independent person. While at the local school, I was the only deaf student. Everyone was intrigued with my deafness. They really took the time to get to know me and learn my language and communicate with me. I was more involved in other activities and plays because they saw my ability. I even announced the weather reports over the loudspeakers daily to practice my speech skills! Attending the local school really allowed me to thrive and build my independence.

I went onto middle school and high school with my friends. It became more difficult to socialize with my peers as we got older. It was easier in elementary schools when kids were more willing to learn sign language. ASL was old news by the time we got to high school. Some friendships drifted away, but I still gained new ones.

Some have asked me over the years why I didn’t go to Rochester Deaf School for the Deaf (RSD) in Rochester, NY. Despite the 2 hours drive, it was the closest deaf institute to my hometown. It was common for almost every deaf kid from my area to attend RSD for middle and high school. While I was in middle school, my parents took me to RSD and New York State School for the Deaf (NYSSD) in Rome, NY. We toured the schools and my parents left the decision completely up to me if I wanted to attend.

First of all, it was amazing for me to see a class taught in my language - sign language. Some teachers were deaf too! I was blown away at how this was reality. It’s what I have always dreamed of, a perfect world where everything is spoken in my language and everyone was deaf. I followed students my age around for the day at both deaf institutes. I went to their classes with them. I ate lunch with them. I played in P.E. class with them. It was so much fun communicating completely in my language with people who understood me. The world that day was fully immersed in deaf culture. That was the biggest pro of deaf institutes - I would not suffer with socializing aspect. Education was whole other story.

I was disappointed from my observations in the classes that I attended how far behind they were. I was in 7th grade at the time, and they were teaching materials that I had learned in 5th grade. The classes were much smaller with a range of 5-7 students. I can’t exactly say why the education at the time of my visit was behind - it could been lack of staff or resources. It could been that these students needed more time to learn things. Sometimes it can be delayed for deaf people to learn things. You can see an example of that from interpreters. When a speaker is talking, the interpreter has to listen then think about how to interpret that information, then interpret. We will always be a couple of minutes behind from receiving that information. What you see in few minutes with an interpreter can apply to teaching years worth of materials to deaf children. It may require some extra time for them to understand. Some deaf kids have language deprivation at young ages due to their parents not knowing what to do with them. It can delay the whole learning process because teaching them language is a priority in order for them to be able to receive information. I see this issue at NTID (deaf college in Rochester) too. Everyone’s learning processes varies.

It was a very difficult decision to pick opportunities over social life. The mainstreamed school offered so much more classes and activities that the deaf institutes didn’t. Another huge factor in my decision to stay at the mainstreamed school was wanting to stay local with my family and friends. If I had decided to attend the deaf institute, I would have to stay in the residential dorms during the week. The students travels to the institute every Mondays and travel back home on Fridays for the weekends. It was extremely hard for me to imagine that lifestyle because I grew up doing everything with my family, even during the week. I didn’t want to miss out on things with my family. I relied on seeing my family daily (back in the days before videophones existed!). I couldn’t imagine not seeing my brother, who is my best friend, every day.

This decision continue to come up through out my mainstreamed years. It got really difficult at times. There were times when I struggled with social life. I was lonely when I didn’t have many friends. It wasn’t easy. I thought about how different my life would have been if I took the deaf institute path. I have imagined all kinds of scenarios but in the end, I know it was the best decision for me. I knew I would eventually go to RIT/NTID for college which had the deaf community I was searching for. I just had to wait a bit longer to have that. My years in mainstreamed schools taught me a lot and made me learn how to thrive, how to be an advocate and how to be independent.

All opinion in this blog are my own. It does not reflect the opinions of other deaf members.